Being a Role Model

Role Models.

When I was 5 years old, the only people I had around me to look up to where my older sister, aunts (ti’s), & the ladies on television. Fast-forward to a few years later, my mother’s side was in full swing with plenty of younger cousins around.

Let me start off by telling you, I am not the greatest role model. I don’t think I am a great one. And yet, because of family dynamics – I still am one.

I am the only one in my family pursuing a science degree after growing up primarily interested in the Arts. I learned the hard way in which college applications and financial aid work. I was the first one to leave the house to live somewhere else (school). I was the first one to struggle as broke ass college student. And to be quite honest, I am very aware that I am a shit role model. But there is a way I teach my cousins. There was a way I showed my brothers. And it’s to expose them to not only the good,  but also the bad and the ugly.

Flick the Bean or Beat the Meat?

Flick the bean?
Beat the meat?
Polish the pearl?
Beat it?
Jerk off?
Kill a kitten?
Have a tug of war with cyclops?!

Okay. So the last two weren't really on my list of what people call masturbation... but they were just WAY too off for me to not include. There's more people call masturbation but let's just not get into that just about now.

Instead, let's talk about masturbation. Personally, I feel gross even just thinking about. But for the sake of enlightening and informing you, let's get on with it.

Now boys, I can't really say I know what I'm talking about here. I have tons of guy friends and guy cousins and brothers but to say that I talk about masturbation with them would be an absolute lie. And ladies, if you think I have a damn clue what I'm talking about, uh, I honestly don't because I find it grody. And yes, I just used the word grody. Don't ask why, I just feel dirty. But if you enjoy it, then so be it.

Hihoe. Hihoe. Hey hoe.

Heyyyyy ho(e).

My deepest apologies. It has been days since my last update. And I really do feel bad about that. Right now, I am connected through my phone hotspot. And to be honest, hotspot is such a kinky word.

Now the only problem with this set up is the unpredictable network drops. [Ahem, thanks my cellular network provider. You guys are totally awesome.]

Anyways, I don't mean to call you guys hoes. Really I don't. It's just my way of greeting my friend on social media networks and I found it fitting.

So hi ho(e)s.
I've got a number of topics I'd love to share with you.
They're archived on my little notes on my notepad on my phone right now.


Don't think I've forgotten about you, my pretty little blog.
But let me take this last sentence to tell you to prepare yourself for something big for what you're going to read about next.

Something big I tell you.
And it has to do with ladybits and manbits so everyone is involved.

My friends, welcome (with open arms and hearts and minds) the world of

masturbation.

5 o'clock in the morning.

It is 5 AM. Well almost 6 now. And when I think of 5 o'clock in the morning, T-Pain plays fluidly in my mind.

Except I don't like that song much.
It sort of screams desperation.
Just sort of.

I've been in and out of consciousness for the past 12 - 15 hours now.
I've got bug bites that cover about 25% of my calves.
And they hurt. And they itch. And apparently, I scratch them in my sleep.

I found out precisely why they say not to have medication and alcohol.
I found out why the hard way.
I found out that even though I used to be one of those people who rattled, "don't do it! don't do it!"

I still did it.
And wow.

These insect bites on my legs are painful. I have no idea what bit me. I have no idea when it happened. All i know is that they hurt and it sucks when I can't scratch it... but like I said, I scratch them in my sleep. And that only makes it 10x worse.

So to help the relieve the pain because these unsightly things just scream "EW," I took a healthy, and by healthy - I mean HEALTHY, dose of Children's Benadryl.

And for the next few hours I was in and out of consciousness fighting a battle with the antihistamines.
(I just touched one bite and now it's itching like MAD. Help?!)

But yes, a little family reunion and a shot of Jameson later about 2 hours of my Benadryl intake - I was knocked out on the couch with a 7 year old child sitting on top of me. Literally, the kid was sitting on me and I had no recollection of that. I woke up a good 45 minutes later and for the rest of the afternoon until maybe 11, shots pursued.

The 7 year old was given a bath, dishes were washed, hydration was given all under the influence of the Jameson and Benadryl. And to be quite honest, I don't remember much at all. I remember giving the child a 5 count station wash. Every 5 seconds he would wash his hair, or his butt, or something else. And 5 seconds later he was wrapped up and sent to fetch his pajamas. And 5 seconds later he was put in his pajamas ready for bed. Blackout.

And then I remember washing dishes. And I'm kind of a stickler when it comes to that sort of thing. I wash meticulously. I wash carefully. I washed and had no idea what happened. Blackout.

But I was still drowsy from that Benadryl. And still tipsy from the Jameson.
And the combination of the two was not a good one.

Don't do it.
Don't ever do it.
I felt like cake icing flying because of Bennie.
I felt like sailboats like to sail on air because of Jamie.

And Bennie and Jamie worked together to rock me to bed in order for no recollection of the events that day.

Oh and we facetimed my army bro.

If you're ever sick, or ever under medication that induces drowsiness.... try not to drink.
They tell you not to for a reason.
You don't want to learn the hard way.

It sucks. And it's hot.
And now I'm awake at 6 AM.
What a pointless post.
Lol.

Let’s talk about sex baby.

Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk abouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut sex.

So how about sex as the one of the first dirty posts I’m probably going to write? As I’m typing this, I’m a bit worried of how all this might pan out. Or how this blog might end up. Or how people might come over and throw dog poop at me.

But they’d have to find me first. With that, let’s get to it.

OMG SEX. Sex is a very natural thing that happens. Dogs do it. Cats do it. Lots of animals do it. But sex. OHHHH. Sex. And no, that “ohhhh” is in no indication a moan. You naughty person, you. But really. What do you talk about when it comes to sex? Sex is such a general topic: oral sex, missionary sex, anal sex, sex sex. Sex. Different types of sex for different types of people. In this case, how about I talk about the different types of sex in different posts? Alright, that’s settled.

Sex in the raw as sex alone. Now normally I rarely talk about these sort of things with friends. I mean, my friends and I talk about it. Sometimes. It’s not a burning topic on our radar. If it comes up, it comes up for like 5 minutes and then we move on. But sex. People looooove it. And by loooove it, I mean there are some people out there obsessed with it. The sex animals, they can’t get enough of it. Speaking of sex animals…. Do you want to know who the horniest people I’ve ever met happened to be? Those children that were under such a tight lock and key… that the fact that they were “rebelling” threw them into a whirlwind of uncontrollable hormones, lust, and um, sex. Also fangirls. The diehard ones. The ones that would kill you if you said something ill about their idol. Cough.

Piercings and Tattoos

Two words: piercings & tattoos.

Okay so that's three words but I'm primarily focused on the bolded. They're like pringles, once ya pop, ye just can't stop.

I love piercings.
and
I love tattoos.

I don't know what it is about ink. I just enjoy how each design can be your own. And the pain? It's only temporary. And in two weeks, it's art. And piercings? Piercings, when done right, can be absolutely beautiful.

And by being done right, I mean with a needle.

Under no circumstances should you get a piercing or tattoo because it's cheap. A tip? RESEARCH.

Research where.
Research cleanliness.
Research past work.
Research price.
Research artist.
Research pain.
Research healing time.

And make sure it's something that you want. Something that you really want. Especially with tattoos. Unless you roll in a bed of bills every night like I do --- in my dreams, then tattoos are something permanent that you can't just erase the next day when you get sick of it.

And I 'm a girl of change. I compulsively change my passwords. My email. My hair. And most annoyingly, my mind. But the tattoos that I do have, I carefully and meticulously planned w/meaning. Well, the first one with the most meaning. The second one, I was in this whole phase of life. Hahaha. I mean, it represents just one aspect of my personality. The problem with is, people think that it's like my mantra. Which it isn't. It's just a reminder of what to remember. A memory trigger.

And so with these tattoos, I'm satisfied. I'm happy. And with the thrill of one, I wanted another. And now I just want another one. And another. It's a disease. But the setback? The price. Tattoos and piercings are a very big, "you get what you pay for" ordeal. In this world, if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is.

So I guess what I'm getting to here is:

• Make sure it's what you really want.
• Don't just get one because it's the cool thing to do.
• Research the hell out of the place and person you're going to.

    If all else fails, ask a person who has ink that you adore where they went and who their artist is. (In fact, I want my next tattoo done by my sisters artist. He does AMAZING work.) The artist I actually go to is expensive and while I love his work and all, triple money signs isn't something I can afford on a student budget. Some things you have to be realistic with.

• Again, research what you want.
• Now wait a year. (If you want it after a year, okay!)
• Research everything you can possibly think of.
• Have your money, and don't be a stiff, tip!
• Be prepared for the pain. Don't take advil or tylenol or drink - that thins up your blood and makes clotting difficult. They WILL NOT tattoo or pierce you in that state anyways. And if they do, HUGE sign you should be going there.
• Grab their card and contact number in case you have follow up questions.
• Ask questions, you'll get answers.
• And last but not least, talk to them. They're human. They have feelings. They have cool stories.

I'm a huge supporter of tattoos and piercings! And yes, I do worry how they might look later in life - which is why I have mine in more inconspicuous places. But it's really up to you as an individual to make the decision. If you want to cover yourself in tattoos and piercings, go for it by all means. However, be forewarned, employees still judge about this because of the clean appearance thing.

In my opinion, you cannot justify a person's work ethic by their looks. Sadly, that's the case in many companies these days. (Even with that, I still love piercings and tattoos.)