Flick the Bean or Beat the Meat?

Flick the bean?
Beat the meat?
Polish the pearl?
Beat it?
Jerk off?
Kill a kitten?
Have a tug of war with cyclops?!

Okay. So the last two weren't really on my list of what people call masturbation... but they were just WAY too off for me to not include. There's more people call masturbation but let's just not get into that just about now.

Instead, let's talk about masturbation. Personally, I feel gross even just thinking about. But for the sake of enlightening and informing you, let's get on with it.

Now boys, I can't really say I know what I'm talking about here. I have tons of guy friends and guy cousins and brothers but to say that I talk about masturbation with them would be an absolute lie. And ladies, if you think I have a damn clue what I'm talking about, uh, I honestly don't because I find it grody. And yes, I just used the word grody. Don't ask why, I just feel dirty. But if you enjoy it, then so be it.

Hihoe. Hihoe. Hey hoe.

Heyyyyy ho(e).

My deepest apologies. It has been days since my last update. And I really do feel bad about that. Right now, I am connected through my phone hotspot. And to be honest, hotspot is such a kinky word.

Now the only problem with this set up is the unpredictable network drops. [Ahem, thanks my cellular network provider. You guys are totally awesome.]

Anyways, I don't mean to call you guys hoes. Really I don't. It's just my way of greeting my friend on social media networks and I found it fitting.

So hi ho(e)s.
I've got a number of topics I'd love to share with you.
They're archived on my little notes on my notepad on my phone right now.


Don't think I've forgotten about you, my pretty little blog.
But let me take this last sentence to tell you to prepare yourself for something big for what you're going to read about next.

Something big I tell you.
And it has to do with ladybits and manbits so everyone is involved.

My friends, welcome (with open arms and hearts and minds) the world of

masturbation.