Bullying.

Bullying is a very sensitive subject to many.

Everyone understands the idea of bullying. Be it, repeated name calling, picking on someone, teasing someone in a hurtful manner, doing anything to hurt someone else is an act of bullying.

However, bullying isn't just physical. It can also occur verbally. And while others believe "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...," the truth is, sometimes the scars and bruises from sticks and stones may heal but mentally the words said, the blows felt, the mental pain will forever leave a sting in the heart and mind of that person.

I can't say that I'm not a bully. I say things in a sarcastic manner that does hurt people's feelings... even if I don't mean to hurt someone. Unintentionally, the words I do say sometimes hurt other's. And that is something I know about myself. It is precisely why I tried to curb and handle my anger. My words get the best of me sometimes. And in those moments of anger, I don't mean it... but those words sure do sting. Like hell.

But then there's the people who believe they aren't bullies and say things purposely to hurt someone. They say things knowing it will provoke a reaction from others. Provoking some type of reaction from someone using words in a negative manner is a type of bullying. And usually, those hurt the most.

Saying words intentionally shouldn't be used to provoke reactions.

It's just one of those things people haven't learned to understand or fail to comprehend. Some are just plain ignorant about it. No matter what, words can be hurtful - and the pain that accompanies it can be longer lasting than physical pain. Both physical and verbal pain attribute to mental exhaustion. This mental exhaustion drives people to sometimes self harm. There really isn't an "easy way out."

Being a bully is being a bully. And while I can apologize for how my blunt and sarcastic demeanor can come off as rude and mean, those who intentionally say stuff to hurt other's can honestly go fuck themselves over because accidental quips are EXTREMELY different than intentional ones.

So right now while my sister continues to degrade my being with her words, I will continue to go on. I'll tell her to "fuck off," and become in trouble for using such language. I'll tell my mom how it is to have to listen to her talk to me like that, and I will hear how I'm being such a brat for not wanting to stand down.

I will not stand down to bullies.

I will continue to be rebuked for my harsh and inappropriate language.

I will continue to hear the words about how I am such a brat for not wanting to deal with someone's bullshit or replying with a sarcastic quip. (Because text cannot interpret sarcasm.)

And I will continue to listen to how I can't do anything right with my life, how big of a disappointment I am since I haven't finished school, and how I cannot contribute to financial situations because I quit my job after my mom asked me to so I can focus on school but I still suck because I can't help pay for anything but stay in more than $25,000 in debt  (and still incurring) for trying to obtain a degree that's only making me more depressed than happy as days go by only to have to sit there and handle it.


If there's something I do know and understand how to handle on my own without feeling like complete, utter shit, it's cutting off toxic relationships from trying to hanker a control of my life. AKA good riddance to your filthy self until I feel like talking to your bitchasses again because fuck you I can deal with not talking to stupid, pretentious fucks for all eternity.

Things I Should've Said Tonight

Maybe I should do this regularly. Quite often, I find myself in some situations where I actually do bite my tongue and hold my words. But when I do sometimes I wish I just said it rather than holding it in. In this society, there may not always be a time and place for everything... but there is a time when holding your tongue is the "mature" thing to do.

Now I put "mature" in quotes because it's all about a personal perspective. To bite one's tongue, roll with the punches, ignore the haters... whatever. I don't know (half-sy sort of don't care...)

You know, I don't always make the best decisions. Life is to be lived and in college, some kids really hold to that. If you met me two years ago, I barely made it through the week sober. If you saw me last year, you wouldn't think I drank nearly as much as a I actually have.

In all honesty, I am a self-proclaimed alcoholic socialite. I drink on occasion, off occasion, when I feel like it, when I don't, when I'm uncomfortable, when I'm comfortable, and I admit, sometimes when I'm set as DD, a shot or two is my limit because let's face it, drinking and driving is a terrible behavior that should never be done.

And then I wait like 3 more hours and take care of the ass-shit throwing their guts up or passed out on the couch just so I have an excuse so another bottle or spout doesn't come my way... all the while I am again, guzzling a water bottle.

So here it is, on a Monday night, with a class at 8AM.

Things I Should've Said Tonight (if I didn't already yell it out loud):

1. Fuck you
2. I don't fucking care what you think.
3. You're a prick.
4. It's okay that you forgot my name but right now I just don't give a fuck about you.
5. Have fun, live a little.
6. Your drugs are pungent.
7. I know you're gay and I'm cool with that so please don't get mad when I tell a guy (who is also gay) that he wants a dick in his mouth. Face it, we could all use one.
8. No, I'm not lesbian.
9. Why the fuck are you touching me.
10. Why the fuck are you talking to me.
11. Girl, you are gonna be a shitshow in 5 minutes... but I don't care.
12. Girl, are you okay cause you are borderline shitshow and I do actually care.
13. Boob sweat is one of the filthiest feelings ever. But don't scoop me unless you want your dick dunked through your balls.
14. In Joe's words... "LET ME BE GREAT."
15. You need to put on some clothes. I do not appreciate seeing your junk all over the place. Wrap it up.
16. I'm not really drunk. I just hate boob sweat and people think I'm drunk so there. *nipple pinch*
17. I need like 5 more shots to actually be drunk right now. And I fucking hate boob sweat.
18. You're a bitch! (with a smile on my face.)
19. Just because your dick was in my mouth once doesn't mean I want to keep seeing it.

and I probably said this once or twice tonight, but fuck:

20. Shit happens.


p.s. I may have happened to leave the party early... but it's still going... it's "only" 2 AM.... well fuck.

On FFF.

When I triple F like triple A, I'm telling you "fuck fake friends."

And I honestly don't believe there is an easier way to say it because that is the only way you can be so blunt about it.

I'm not the type of person to pretend I like someone for my own personal gain.
I'm not the type of person to pretend I like someone for their personal gain.
I'm not the type of person to pretend I like someone. Period.

So if there's a chance that I don't like you, I probably just don't like you for some reason.
Now those "some" reasons aren't reasons like, "I don't like your shoes."
No.
I'm not that shallow. C'mon.

I only believe in having legitimate reasons as to why I shouldn't like someone.
i.e. They have wronged me in away that I cannot find forgivable.

or maaaaybe they two time backstabbed me like a little cunt biscuit whore.

No really.
I give everyone a fair chance. It's not that I'm particularly hard to get along with... And it's not that I have trust issues either. (Okay, maybe I do have a few trust issues. But really... who doesn't?!?!)

I like it when the people around me keep it 100% real.
That includes telling me something I don't like.
That includes telling me something I'm going to HATE.

But really, the world has so many fake people around, it's quite ridiculous.
If people ask me why I don't like someone, I'll tell you the truth.

- Some bitch lied to my face and didn't want to be honest with me. (This is a 50% survival rate of me liking them after... If you have a sound reason as to why you would do some shady shit - I will forgive you. Tell  me the story, I'll listen.)
- Some bitch took the easy way out and flung shit out from right under my nose. (Because I have a tendency to be quiet honest and blunt about things... people like to say that I said something that I may or may not have said... and be shady about it. No.)
- Some bitch wanted to be a judgmental little fuck the minute I said something. I'm not stupid. I can see that look on your face. Because I do it too. However, the difference between you and I is, I give people the benefit of the doubt and I don't lie about it. If I don't like something you do, I'll fucking tell you. And if I'm judging in that split second - I'll tell you.

Pretty much, I say it how it is. To others it's "too confrontational."
Oh, I'm sorry I didn't baby you like your parents did. Am I supposed to be one of those people? Because I won't be... and quite honestly, that is the real world. That is how shit works. That's exactly what happens.

And if you can't handle it, well fuck - maybe you need to stay in your little, pretty fake bubble.

But what pisses me off most is when these people (oh the really good deceivers - look a compliment!)... are your "friends."

Using you.
Taking advantage of you.
Finding any possible reason to find a way to manipulate you.
Or just outright be a hoe and shit on your face by doing something shady...

Emphasis on that last one because it recently happened and any mature adult would have discussed it before it happen. Only problem here is I'm immature when immaturity wrongs me so it comes down to child play. Ooops.

But really, fuck fake friends.
You don't need them.
You'll know who your real homies are.


Deuces mo.

I am hungover.

In a drunken habit, I only sleep for 5 - 6 hours and end up waking up way earlier than I do on most days.

And that is exactly what happened this morning when I passed out before midnight after upchucking my entire dinner and whatever remnants was still left in my tummy not only in the toilet and the kitchen sink. (And I do apologize to my awesome housemates who took care of my ass and my mess...)

But this morning when I woke up, I was still slightly drunk and feeling like complete utter shit. It hit me. I was going to be hung-thefuck-over.

I crawled my way out of bed to the bathroom and sat there for a good minute thinking I was going to throw up. And I did.

And all I could think was.... "welllll fuck."

So I went through my ways of getting rid of morning after drunkenness.

1. Get a glass of water - I could barely get my ass to the bathroom. Getting to the kitchen was a nightmare I did not like. And so I got my ass up. Stumbled my way into the kitchen. Struggled a lot. Struggled s'more. And the struggle just kept struggling.
2. Taking a nice, hot shower. This is where it proceeded to go all wrong. Alllll wrong. I was in the shower. And it wasn't working. Usually I could feel the drunken film lift off and I'd be good to go. It wasn't happening. I wanted to cry.
3. Food.

Instead, I sat in the fucking shower. Struggling to wash my hair and bits. It was just a mess.
I ended up going back to bed for a few hours.

Woke up. HUNG- THEFUCK- OVER.

And it has been more than 10 hours.
And I am still hung the fuck over.


You know how it feels like having to walk to school? The struggle is damn real. It was a gloomy day and sunglasses did not help.
My head was pounding. I could barely carry my backpack. And just walking down the  street seemed like the worst idea ever.

But I had class and I was determined to go.
My first class made me look uninterested as I tried to keep my head up by propping it on my arm.
My professor's words? "I know this is boring but it's important." It wasn't boring. I'm just hungover.
And then the rain came... I had 10 minutes to get to the other fucking side of campus in the rain. And stairs were just a big no.
My second class is about human sexuality... and today we had to look at vaginas. And me, being a girl who likes dick and rarely even looks at her own vagina..... (I did once when I read this book by gURL.com... And apparently every girl needs to get acquainted with her vag.) ...  I struggled to hold down a fat sandwich my friend and I had bought this morning as I stared into the curvatures of the woman bits. The room didn't help either as it was old, musty and smelled like ass because of the rain and people. The blown up vagina on the screen was just no.

And then the best part came.
A video about fucking woman circumcision.
And that's where I wanted to die.

And I felt even more sick. My head was still pounding despite my 600mg dosage of ibuprofen.
As I write, I'm still hungover.
My face hurts because I slammed the side of my face into the wall.
It's 10 at night.
And I'm getting distracted.
And I'm probably gonna beat the living shit out of my laptop because the light hurts my head still.

FUCK HANGOVERS.
Enjoy this shitty blog post because my incompetent ass cannot function or doing anything properly.






PS. Tacos and then drinking is the worst possible combination ever.

A Quick Rant on Roommates

Alright. Hold up. Lemme just take a quick minute and tell you about this thing.

At this moment, I am taking a few courses about sex, dynamics, and mechanical behavior about materials... whilst living in a house with a few people.

Now, now. I don't want to scare you off about roommates or housemates or living with strangers.
But sometimes you're not so damn lucky and you want to blow the head off of one... just like I want to do right now.

I have posted the unwritten rules of college roommates in the past on another blog. Maybe, I should pull up part one and part two and shove them in his face because obviously he is not getting it.

Really.

How many times do I have to walk in...
with the tv on?
with the lights on?
with the lights on during the day?
with no one around with both the tv and lights on?
wake up to your shit music?
wake up to your shit rifts?
wake up to your struggling and straining voice?
fail to fall asleep because the bass on MY surround system is echoing in MY room because of YOU?
fail to fall asleep because you're having some sort of one man concert at 2 AM?
deal with your nosey ass?
be questioned like I'm in an interrogation office interrogated by a criminology team?

Shit dude. My business is my business.

If I want to walk outside of the house at 2 AM because someone wants to give me a gift, then so be it.
But why dafuq you gotta follow me out of the house like you need to know?

Cause honestly, you don't.
Plus I am not your mom. Take care of your responsibilities. Like don't ask me how much your rent is that you agreed to pay. Boy, I already have trouble remembering my own shit, let alone do I have to give 3 fucks about your shit? No.

You are the rudest, most obnoxious roommate I've EVER had to deal with.
And trust me, I've had plenty of housemates, roommates, living people with.

Oh dear.

I've officially come to hate Silent Night and Happy Birthday... Thanks to you.
And HOW DOES ONE RUIN CHRISTMAS SONGS AND  THE BIRTHDAY SONG.
It's like annihilating a child.
Maybe not a child, maybe a baby.
You cannot ruin the innocence of those precious holidays.
Yes, let's refer to them as holidays because I'm not religious and I celebrate that business.


Anyways, let me just sit back a minute and dig into my archives of unspoken roommate rules.
Really, I should.
And I'll add all your shit things to it.

By the way, when you cook ramen, it's best if you don't forget about that shit or just leave it sitting cause it turns to mush and looks like you're eating diarrhea noodles.

Ok.

Homie K OUT.