Being a Role Model

Role Models.

When I was 5 years old, the only people I had around me to look up to where my older sister, aunts (ti’s), & the ladies on television. Fast-forward to a few years later, my mother’s side was in full swing with plenty of younger cousins around.

Let me start off by telling you, I am not the greatest role model. I don’t think I am a great one. And yet, because of family dynamics – I still am one.

I am the only one in my family pursuing a science degree after growing up primarily interested in the Arts. I learned the hard way in which college applications and financial aid work. I was the first one to leave the house to live somewhere else (school). I was the first one to struggle as broke ass college student. And to be quite honest, I am very aware that I am a shit role model. But there is a way I teach my cousins. There was a way I showed my brothers. And it’s to expose them to not only the good,  but also the bad and the ugly.

GIRLS CAN BE SCARY.

Warning: I curse. I curse like a mad man and my foul language takes over. So be forewarned.

Let me be the one tell you right now. Girls can be scary. And fangirls are scarier.

I'm gonna lighten the mood away from all the sex talk that has been floating around & give you a little hindsight on the minds of fangirls and fandoms and how scary they can be.

Now, I've been an avid One Direction fan for probably the last two years now. Being an American, I rarely kept up with XFactor UK because uh, one: I'm American and had American cable and two: in college, the cool thing to do is not pay for cable because it's a waste of money and I'm a broke ass college student. Ok?! K. But that didn't stop me from hearing about them.

Honestly, I can safely say I've been around for awhile in that 1D fandom and damn. THINGS HIT THE FAN AND IT'S SCARY. IT'S FRIGHTENING. AND IF THERE'S PEOPLE I NEVER WANT TO DEAL WITH IN A FIGHT... it's not thugs, gangsters or gangbangers or whatever... it's fucking fangirls.

Flick the Bean or Beat the Meat?

Flick the bean?
Beat the meat?
Polish the pearl?
Beat it?
Jerk off?
Kill a kitten?
Have a tug of war with cyclops?!

Okay. So the last two weren't really on my list of what people call masturbation... but they were just WAY too off for me to not include. There's more people call masturbation but let's just not get into that just about now.

Instead, let's talk about masturbation. Personally, I feel gross even just thinking about. But for the sake of enlightening and informing you, let's get on with it.

Now boys, I can't really say I know what I'm talking about here. I have tons of guy friends and guy cousins and brothers but to say that I talk about masturbation with them would be an absolute lie. And ladies, if you think I have a damn clue what I'm talking about, uh, I honestly don't because I find it grody. And yes, I just used the word grody. Don't ask why, I just feel dirty. But if you enjoy it, then so be it.

Hihoe. Hihoe. Hey hoe.

Heyyyyy ho(e).

My deepest apologies. It has been days since my last update. And I really do feel bad about that. Right now, I am connected through my phone hotspot. And to be honest, hotspot is such a kinky word.

Now the only problem with this set up is the unpredictable network drops. [Ahem, thanks my cellular network provider. You guys are totally awesome.]

Anyways, I don't mean to call you guys hoes. Really I don't. It's just my way of greeting my friend on social media networks and I found it fitting.

So hi ho(e)s.
I've got a number of topics I'd love to share with you.
They're archived on my little notes on my notepad on my phone right now.


Don't think I've forgotten about you, my pretty little blog.
But let me take this last sentence to tell you to prepare yourself for something big for what you're going to read about next.

Something big I tell you.
And it has to do with ladybits and manbits so everyone is involved.

My friends, welcome (with open arms and hearts and minds) the world of

masturbation.

Uh oh

Finally have been graced with Internet connection for only 5 minutes.


I'm on my mobile so this is just a heads up that updates may not come so frequently but I will try to have some ready for posting soon.


Keep with me. 5 6 7 8.

K.

5 o'clock in the morning.

It is 5 AM. Well almost 6 now. And when I think of 5 o'clock in the morning, T-Pain plays fluidly in my mind.

Except I don't like that song much.
It sort of screams desperation.
Just sort of.

I've been in and out of consciousness for the past 12 - 15 hours now.
I've got bug bites that cover about 25% of my calves.
And they hurt. And they itch. And apparently, I scratch them in my sleep.

I found out precisely why they say not to have medication and alcohol.
I found out why the hard way.
I found out that even though I used to be one of those people who rattled, "don't do it! don't do it!"

I still did it.
And wow.

These insect bites on my legs are painful. I have no idea what bit me. I have no idea when it happened. All i know is that they hurt and it sucks when I can't scratch it... but like I said, I scratch them in my sleep. And that only makes it 10x worse.

So to help the relieve the pain because these unsightly things just scream "EW," I took a healthy, and by healthy - I mean HEALTHY, dose of Children's Benadryl.

And for the next few hours I was in and out of consciousness fighting a battle with the antihistamines.
(I just touched one bite and now it's itching like MAD. Help?!)

But yes, a little family reunion and a shot of Jameson later about 2 hours of my Benadryl intake - I was knocked out on the couch with a 7 year old child sitting on top of me. Literally, the kid was sitting on me and I had no recollection of that. I woke up a good 45 minutes later and for the rest of the afternoon until maybe 11, shots pursued.

The 7 year old was given a bath, dishes were washed, hydration was given all under the influence of the Jameson and Benadryl. And to be quite honest, I don't remember much at all. I remember giving the child a 5 count station wash. Every 5 seconds he would wash his hair, or his butt, or something else. And 5 seconds later he was wrapped up and sent to fetch his pajamas. And 5 seconds later he was put in his pajamas ready for bed. Blackout.

And then I remember washing dishes. And I'm kind of a stickler when it comes to that sort of thing. I wash meticulously. I wash carefully. I washed and had no idea what happened. Blackout.

But I was still drowsy from that Benadryl. And still tipsy from the Jameson.
And the combination of the two was not a good one.

Don't do it.
Don't ever do it.
I felt like cake icing flying because of Bennie.
I felt like sailboats like to sail on air because of Jamie.

And Bennie and Jamie worked together to rock me to bed in order for no recollection of the events that day.

Oh and we facetimed my army bro.

If you're ever sick, or ever under medication that induces drowsiness.... try not to drink.
They tell you not to for a reason.
You don't want to learn the hard way.

It sucks. And it's hot.
And now I'm awake at 6 AM.
What a pointless post.
Lol.

Let’s talk about sex baby.

Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk abouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut sex.

So how about sex as the one of the first dirty posts I’m probably going to write? As I’m typing this, I’m a bit worried of how all this might pan out. Or how this blog might end up. Or how people might come over and throw dog poop at me.

But they’d have to find me first. With that, let’s get to it.

OMG SEX. Sex is a very natural thing that happens. Dogs do it. Cats do it. Lots of animals do it. But sex. OHHHH. Sex. And no, that “ohhhh” is in no indication a moan. You naughty person, you. But really. What do you talk about when it comes to sex? Sex is such a general topic: oral sex, missionary sex, anal sex, sex sex. Sex. Different types of sex for different types of people. In this case, how about I talk about the different types of sex in different posts? Alright, that’s settled.

Sex in the raw as sex alone. Now normally I rarely talk about these sort of things with friends. I mean, my friends and I talk about it. Sometimes. It’s not a burning topic on our radar. If it comes up, it comes up for like 5 minutes and then we move on. But sex. People looooove it. And by loooove it, I mean there are some people out there obsessed with it. The sex animals, they can’t get enough of it. Speaking of sex animals…. Do you want to know who the horniest people I’ve ever met happened to be? Those children that were under such a tight lock and key… that the fact that they were “rebelling” threw them into a whirlwind of uncontrollable hormones, lust, and um, sex. Also fangirls. The diehard ones. The ones that would kill you if you said something ill about their idol. Cough.

23k

When I started this new blog a few days ago, I contemplated just what it would be about. I knew I wanted to write about something risque and taboo(pretend accent is there). However, I was aware what trouble might come up from it...

I didn't want to write about:

1. fashion - my closet lacks it though I feen it
2. make up - I don't make up my face or have money to review them all
3. I couldn't think of anything else.

To be honest, I would absolutely love to blog about fashion and make up. Let's face it though. My broke ass cannot afford to lavishly spend on clothes, make up, and shoes... even though inside I am absolutely DYING to.

So what did I plan on writing about? Anything. Anything I could possibly think of. Maybe my wanderlust desire. Maybe my baking escapades. Maybe just about life in general. But that wasn't working out. Why? Traveling is something I'm obsessed with and want to do but can't afford... and baking... well I don't have access to an oven so how do I bake ?! Haha. That's when I knew, I just knew I had to change direction.

And when I was driving home today, it dawned on me. Just like in Never Been Kissed (Oh look another film popped up... Wait. Did I mention this a few days ago? If I didn't, well now I did.)... But yes, in Never Been Kissed, Drew Barrymore's character is told, "write what you know." And what did I know about? College, life, family, church, self exploration, blah blah blah - everything a teenage girl goes through.

The kicker? What  I knew was that I wanted to talk about the things people were too scared to talk about. So there you have it.


I have decided to take a risk and chance (hah!) and write about all things dirty, true, & taboo. The hard knitty, gritty truth about everything I could possibly think of. Maybe what I've learned along the way can help someone out there too. So there you have it.


23k. A blog about everything. Especially the dirty, true, and taboo.

But don't worry, it just won't be about the "dirty, true, and taboo!" They'll be some "life lesson" sort of things here.

K.

Taking Chances

ALERT: Spoil alert from a movie from too many years ago.

Friend 1:	there's going to be a one direction movie? r u serious? why?
Acquaintance 1:	just in case they havent made enough money yet
Friend 1:	what's it gonna be about how their music changes lives? Yeah, no.
Me:	Oh that's mean.

Now let me begin by saying that I enjoy watching films. (At this very moment I'm actually watching "The Day After Tomorrow." I do enjoy this type of films. I don't know why. I'm a huge cry baby too.) Anyways,  I enjoy watching films and listening to music. And then I hear about music artists making films about their stories and their music.

The conversation right here was something that was brought up on Facebook. Of course, I just chimed in because everyone has a story, but not everyone gets to see or hear them. Some of the most influential people in the world are artists. As we know, they give people something to dance to, something to cry to, and most importantly, something to relate to.

I thought films like these would be a joke. I thought they were dumb. What I didn't think about was how their stories could effect my life. You might think that's a joke. You might think I'm absolutely mental. You're right. I probably am.

You see, as people we are continuously learning about well, everything. (Interruption: I've seen this film at least 5 times and it still gives me goosebumps. 10 minutes til everything goes apeshit.) But yes, we are continuously learning about little things and big things whether we know it or not.

And that made me think about this blog post and what I learned about these type of films, (FINALLY GETTING TO IT!), taking chances.

If you're anything like me, taking chances is terrifying. I'm quite shy. I really am. And if there's one thing I wish I could have done more in the past, it's taking more chances. But no regrets. And what am I going to do? Try to take more chances. We'll go with try because I'm chicken shit and I know I will end up backing out 50% of the time. (The guy just sacrificed himself. Cue the crying.)

Okay, back to the point of things. These people in the films did one thing: took a chance. And look where it got them! The people that achieve something they're proud of. I'm not only talking about famous people you call celebrities either. Yeaaaaah, they all took chances too - the chance to put themselves out there.

However, I'm not only talking about them. I'm talking about doctors, firefighters, paramedics, engineers, perhaps your mom, probably your dad, and maybe even the strange person across the cafeteria. They've all taken a chance to become what they We all take chances, really, we do. But how many of us take the chances we can to effectively make ourselves proud of what we can achieve? How many of us actually do that?

I know I don't. So maybe this could be my promise to you that I will try to take more of these crazy chances. [Man, I'm sorry this is such a shit post. Every time this film plays I get so damn distracted by everything, writing included.] Honestly though, if I didn't take a chance on watching those films I would have never learned the things I did from them and their struggles. Everyone has a story and they're intriguing to watch.

POINT OF THIS POST BECAUSE I'M SO FAR DEEP INTO THIS FILM:

TAKE MORE CHANCES!

Piercings and Tattoos

Two words: piercings & tattoos.

Okay so that's three words but I'm primarily focused on the bolded. They're like pringles, once ya pop, ye just can't stop.

I love piercings.
and
I love tattoos.

I don't know what it is about ink. I just enjoy how each design can be your own. And the pain? It's only temporary. And in two weeks, it's art. And piercings? Piercings, when done right, can be absolutely beautiful.

And by being done right, I mean with a needle.

Under no circumstances should you get a piercing or tattoo because it's cheap. A tip? RESEARCH.

Research where.
Research cleanliness.
Research past work.
Research price.
Research artist.
Research pain.
Research healing time.

And make sure it's something that you want. Something that you really want. Especially with tattoos. Unless you roll in a bed of bills every night like I do --- in my dreams, then tattoos are something permanent that you can't just erase the next day when you get sick of it.

And I 'm a girl of change. I compulsively change my passwords. My email. My hair. And most annoyingly, my mind. But the tattoos that I do have, I carefully and meticulously planned w/meaning. Well, the first one with the most meaning. The second one, I was in this whole phase of life. Hahaha. I mean, it represents just one aspect of my personality. The problem with is, people think that it's like my mantra. Which it isn't. It's just a reminder of what to remember. A memory trigger.

And so with these tattoos, I'm satisfied. I'm happy. And with the thrill of one, I wanted another. And now I just want another one. And another. It's a disease. But the setback? The price. Tattoos and piercings are a very big, "you get what you pay for" ordeal. In this world, if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is.

So I guess what I'm getting to here is:

• Make sure it's what you really want.
• Don't just get one because it's the cool thing to do.
• Research the hell out of the place and person you're going to.

    If all else fails, ask a person who has ink that you adore where they went and who their artist is. (In fact, I want my next tattoo done by my sisters artist. He does AMAZING work.) The artist I actually go to is expensive and while I love his work and all, triple money signs isn't something I can afford on a student budget. Some things you have to be realistic with.

• Again, research what you want.
• Now wait a year. (If you want it after a year, okay!)
• Research everything you can possibly think of.
• Have your money, and don't be a stiff, tip!
• Be prepared for the pain. Don't take advil or tylenol or drink - that thins up your blood and makes clotting difficult. They WILL NOT tattoo or pierce you in that state anyways. And if they do, HUGE sign you should be going there.
• Grab their card and contact number in case you have follow up questions.
• Ask questions, you'll get answers.
• And last but not least, talk to them. They're human. They have feelings. They have cool stories.

I'm a huge supporter of tattoos and piercings! And yes, I do worry how they might look later in life - which is why I have mine in more inconspicuous places. But it's really up to you as an individual to make the decision. If you want to cover yourself in tattoos and piercings, go for it by all means. However, be forewarned, employees still judge about this because of the clean appearance thing.

In my opinion, you cannot justify a person's work ethic by their looks. Sadly, that's the case in many companies these days. (Even with that, I still love piercings and tattoos.)

One Direction - US Leg Tour

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending the closing concert of the US Leg of One Direction's Take Me Home Tour.

My cousin has been dreaming of seeing these 5 good-looking boys since I unintentionally gave her that "One Direction Infection" last summer. Being blessed with the chance to have already seen the boys perform live 2-3 times in the past and meet a few of them in person, I wanted to be able to make her dream come true.

Being the major procrastinator that I am... I never do things on time. And if I do, well shit! That's a huge plus. Obtaining tickets for concerts through Ticketmaster and what not is virtually impossible to me. Therefore, I try going to the venue the day they are sold out or periodically check the value of tickets throughout the course until the concert. Then one day, if I see something close to face value - I drop. I drop and I grab and I punch til I get. Just not into the itty bitty titties like some of the children I've seen do at these things.

Was a long, long day - & in the end she was graced with the presence of One Direction. The screams reached decibels that probably destroyed my ear drums so she took the one pair of ear plugs I had after one song. The boys gave an incredible performance with a cake fight, water fight, biscuits & cereal & fire extinguishers. It was mental! Absolutely mental. Harry threw out his Kings Jersey to the audience. Zayn hit the high notes. Louis was cracking jokes and calling Niall, 'Neil.' They were all pouring water on each other. They were all throwing food at each. Including the band. You can clearly observe just how much Niall loves guitars. Zayn just kept looking calm, cool and collected. Louis and Niall looked like they were always planning some thing. Harry looked extremely focused. Liam was just all smiles. And the fact that these boys just wanted to put on an amazing show for their last concert of the US leg. Well shit, they succeeded. At one point, Liam came running down the ramp & well you can see here: Liam and Louis - WMYB. And yet it was still a concert to remember with the dance off and the group hug at the end. And their exit. Niall wouldn't leave the stage so Harry had to come up and pull him down. Liam also got stuck in the box for a minute too.

Such a great performance.
Such a blessing.

and such an enjoyment to see a 10 year old go to her first concert ever and have it be the ONE band she's ultimately loved for the past year and a half.

Vidcon 2013

Hello! So VidCon 2013 was this past weekend on August 1st - August 3rd. I honestly didn't get a lot of pictures because I was busy walking around. However, I did manage to meet loads of cool, talented people so I would say my time at VidCon was well spent!

 A friend of mine, Taylor, was passing out #TeamDeodorant travel size deodorants to enforce the idea of deodorant. Quite truthfully, I support this movement as well... it's not bad to want to not smell!

So on Friday, we arrived at the hotel and registered for VidCon. We were going to be in earlier buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut some mishap happened and I ended up waiting in my car for half an hour wanting to sleep as I only had gotten 2 - 3 hours of sleep the night before. (I know, I'm horrible.) The hotel lobby was already filled with LOADS, and I mean LOADS, of fangirls. And it was absolutely insane. Took us about an hour to register only because I didn't drive out the night before since my hotel reservation wasn't until Friday. Throughout the day, I met random people. I officially met Taylor for the first time and her friends, Darla and Kaleb. Nice people, nice people.

I also recognized a few faces of people on Twitter - but hey, I'm painstakingly shy and didn't go up to them. I did end up meeting Tay Zonday - & let me tell you, his voice really is that amazing in person.


I also met a loads of people in the elevator. I can try to name of all them but I don't know how that'd go to be honest. But hey, let's try anyways: #elevatorcon2013.

- Luke Conard, Dave Aday, Adam Stanton, Joe Sugg, Louis (Fun for Louis), Darcy, Maz, random fangirls. And that's all I can think of off the top of my head. (Forgive me, it's almost half past 2 in the morning! That night I also ended up meeting a few of my neighbors & their guests: Jake Coco, Corey Gray, Tyler Ward, Frank Sacramone, and Patrick.

I'm starting to see this trend of guys....
Anyways!

Jake and Corey were headed to the Marriott but decided to have a little concert in the hallway. Oops! It was all in good fun in our defense!

And oh look, there's Adam who just came down the hall from who knows where.


On Day 2 of Vidcon, we pretty much did the same thing again - walked around and talked to people. We had a little dance session with the ladies at the Kia booth so they invited us to this more intimate interview session with Laina - Overly Attached Girlfriend and Tyler Ward. To be honest, those fan girls were brutal... and someone punched me in the boob. But the two together where hilarious and I think it's the only thing I sat through while at VidCon... except a meal... cause food is food.





We would randomly walk into other YouTubers and people around VidCon which was quite tiring yet still exciting.

Saturday night was VidCon prom and we probably showed up for the last 10-15 minutes. Yet, we had a dance circle going... thanks to Neeners! There I met TheDJT (is it bad I don't know you're name still? Hahaha.) and Carson... who were the most significant from what I remember cause they actually helped form the circle for everyone. But hey, it got pretty good you know?!

And we danced.
And danced.
And danced.


And I tweeted.
And we all danced.


Did I mention we danced?!

Back at the hotel lobby with the hundreds of screaming fangirls running around, we ran into Frank Sacramone - who had to suffer because of me (and I really do apologize for forcing you to do that...) Hahaha. But here he is being "fangirled." ;)

The night ended with a bang when we were given the chance to hang out and mingle with KevLABeast, Furious Pete, Nick Pitera, Andrew Garcia, Tyler Ward, and Boyce Avenue. Also had the chance to meet Graham from YT and Eric from Collective. And last but not least, Grace and Tanner... who I pinky promised but he disappeared so he's kind of irrelevant now.

Sunday was Disney day which only ended with us at Downtown Disney. I ended up meeting these Australian guys in the check out line... I only got one name, his name was Troye (which later I found out was Troye Sivan - also the reason why I know how to spell it now).

And that was a gist of Vidcon. Oh so much happened and I tried my best to condense it... sort of failed but so much can happen in two days! All the people I met were talented and nice - except for some of the fangirls who were creepy.... and punched me in the boob.... and also tried kicking me off the guest deck when I got lost in that labyrinth hotel....

Until next year at VidCon! 

Blast from the Past.

12/19/2003
December 19, 2003
19 December 2003

The first time I ever wrote a blog post for the entire world to me. Honestly, I sat here for about 15 minutes trying to remember my stupid xanga names until BULLSEYE. I hit one. And let me tell you, I wanted to cry. Well, I did. Just a little bit.


Reading yourself type lyke d1s cuz y0u think it'z so kewl. No. It's not. It's embarrassing. And you laugh so hard, you cry. However, I have to admit reading that sort of thing is a major throwback. And I mean MAJOR.
Be back later while I tear my eyes out til they bleed because they hurt so bad from attempting to read my filth from 7 years ago.
K

Renewal.

Hi everyone.

It's been awhile since I've revived a blog from who knows where in who knows how long. I started my first blog when I was about 12 or 13 years old - that's 10 - 11 years ago. Wow. (Have I aged that much already?!)

Anyways that was man, many, many years ago and over the years I just gradually stopped posting. I don't remember my old blogs. I don't remember their names. I know I wrote about my life. Every day. Until I started, I think, my senior year of high school. Of course, I had the occasional post until I started university. Annnnnd that was about it. It died... along with the past of many nights ago of an Asian-American teenager dealing with, well, life.

So now here I am, 10 years after I first decided to share my words with the world. And while no one cared so much to read about it then, I decided to try it at least one more time. And I stopped. And I started. And I stopped. Well, you get the point. So now I'm restarting this renewal of old thoughts shared once again, but no longer reviving the blog of many moons ago.

With that in mind, I think this is something I want to commit to. You know, actually commit. Not the half-ass start & forget sort of thing that I am so notoriously known for in my family for doing. (Because face it- Aries like me like to start projects but never finish them.) I'm going to promise, you - whoever's reading this, and myself to write about school, life, fashion, make up, trends - whatever. And I will continue writing to you until I finish university. That's 5 classes. 2 quarters. 6 months. Generally, I could finish in one quarter but you see, the public school system loves making classes only available at certain times of the year. And now I'm stuck. But that's okay... I like to share with people anyways.

Toast to a new blog.
Toast to a new goal.
and
Toast to you.

K