Let’s talk about sex baby.

Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk abouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut sex.

So how about sex as the one of the first dirty posts I’m probably going to write? As I’m typing this, I’m a bit worried of how all this might pan out. Or how this blog might end up. Or how people might come over and throw dog poop at me.

But they’d have to find me first. With that, let’s get to it.

OMG SEX. Sex is a very natural thing that happens. Dogs do it. Cats do it. Lots of animals do it. But sex. OHHHH. Sex. And no, that “ohhhh” is in no indication a moan. You naughty person, you. But really. What do you talk about when it comes to sex? Sex is such a general topic: oral sex, missionary sex, anal sex, sex sex. Sex. Different types of sex for different types of people. In this case, how about I talk about the different types of sex in different posts? Alright, that’s settled.

Sex in the raw as sex alone. Now normally I rarely talk about these sort of things with friends. I mean, my friends and I talk about it. Sometimes. It’s not a burning topic on our radar. If it comes up, it comes up for like 5 minutes and then we move on. But sex. People looooove it. And by loooove it, I mean there are some people out there obsessed with it. The sex animals, they can’t get enough of it. Speaking of sex animals…. Do you want to know who the horniest people I’ve ever met happened to be? Those children that were under such a tight lock and key… that the fact that they were “rebelling” threw them into a whirlwind of uncontrollable hormones, lust, and um, sex. Also fangirls. The diehard ones. The ones that would kill you if you said something ill about their idol. Cough.


Virgin? Non-virgin? If you’re sitting there, reading this, a virgin or non-virgin or while you’re beating the meat. Don’t trip. Everyone was a virgin at one point of life. People have sex. And people masturbate. I was a virgin up until college. (How ironic.) And I still have plenty of friends and/or acquaintances defined as virgins. And honestly, I don’t think there is a “right” age to have sex. I definitely think one should have bushes in the bits and a forest in the pits if sex is going to come up. I also think one should wrap the willy and save the dilly from making an oopsie at such a young age. I ain’t about that 16 and pregnant game yo. Even though I’ve definitely passed that ripe age.

Sex in High School. As you read, I was a proud virgin all throughout high school. I actually had a blast with my life without having sex. I had great friends (still do). I had a shit ton of fun (still do). I genuinely enjoyed my high school years without sex. And it wasn’t hard. Really. It wasn’t. I had friends having sex in high school. I know people who got pregnant in high school. And I have the utmost respect for them. Giving up your young life to take care of another person… it’s hard work. So earlier when I said I ain’t about that 16 and pregnant life, I meant that I know I couldn’t handle it. I’m not against it. I’m not for it. I guess, I don’t really care because if it happens, it happens. People are forced to grow up fast in those shoes. And when that happens, I respect their decision to because it’s a huge step. It’s a huge commitment. And my ass ain’t like that. I can’t even commit to my hair color. How can I commit to a child? So to those who have done it or are doing it or are going through it, know that I respect you. I respect that you are growing up and taking care of things. I respect that you’re going through the hard work to give something to a child. I have respect for you because I know that I’d be terrified. I’d be lost. I’d be… I have no idea… what I’d be. I wouldn’t know… and when these things happen to girls at that age, you cannot fathom just how much respect I have for them because I understand what they must be going through is difficult. To handle a challenge like that at such a young age?! Shit. I have to give you respect for that.

Virginity in College. I don’t think you should be worried if you’re going to be a virgin in college. I don’t think you should try to lose your virginity in high school before college. I’ve heard of people losing their virginity because they didn’t want to be a “loser” in college. Some girl even lost her virginity in the back seat of a car. Romantic, right? If you’re going to be a virgin in college, I commend you. With the social pressures, it seems like virginity isn’t cool. But you’ll be surprised by how many people would wish they were in your shoes or would wish they came about sex differently.

On just having sex. I mean, if you’re going to be having sex, you best damn be ready for the responsibilities of a child if an unplanned pregnancy does happen. I’m not saying go out and have sex. No. I’m not saying don’t go have sex. (Cue the: “You’ll get pregnant and die.”) I’m saying if you’re going to be screwing around, banging, fucking – whatever you want to call it – be ready for your consequences because SHIT DOES HAPPEN. And speaking of whatever you may call it, there are a variety of words people use to describe sexy time:

Sex, pow wow, bang, hoo ha, fuck, woohoo, screw, stick your titi in the peepee. Ok. So maybe that last one isn’t really one but there’s still MANY, MANY different words people use in place of the word sex. But hey, I'm interested in what you call sexy time in your far away world. Let me know!

Anyways, what do you want to hear? That sex can be fun? That it feels pretty good as long as you’re… well… well lubricated….? (haha) Well, both of those are very true. Sex can be fun, and admittedly, it feels pretty good. But dry sex? Just no. That shit can just burn and ladies, I don’t think you’d like this ripping feeling down under. And if you’re having dry sex, clearly it isn’t the right choice because no. That just shouldn’t be happening. You should be slipping and sliding, smooth sailing.

[This is quite interesting for me to type. Let’s face it. I’m a bit uncomfortable. But it has to be done.]

If I told you about my first time, that would spoil the anticipated fun for later. So I won’t tell you… yet. Instead, I’ll tell you some things about sex in no particular order from the experience of friends and of my own. (If I told you everything – I could probably write a damn novel.)

A build up of the lack of sex makes for a very crazy, thunderous night.
Sex in relationships have better control and feel better because of sobriety and passion.
The lack of passion sex will make for very shit sex.
Putting your dick in someone’s mouth is oral sex.
Putting your dick half way in means you’re still sticking it somewhere aka it’s sex.
But putting your dick in and just not moving, is what even.
Hump for the sake of humping. But have rhythm and it will be pleasurable.
Kissing when having sex makes it feel better.
No strings attached sex means no kissing means more fun and more likely for feelings to be involved.
Moaning makes it more pleasurable.
Names make it more pleasurable.
You might get horny just reading about sex.
You probably are horny just reading about sex.
If you’re like me, I’m laughing about writing about sex.
Even with sex, it gets better with practice.
You gotta move your body. You cannot just lie there.
Shower sex is difficult. You’ve been warned.
Anal sex hurts too.
Anal sex is an alternative for some when they’re bleeding.
Sex is fun when you have fun with it.
Drunk sex gets sloppy.
Drunk sex is interesting.

And last but not least, Sex isn’t consensual if one is [nearly or completely] passed out.
And sex that isn’t consensual is considered rape.
With these last two, three words. Just don’t even.

So if you’re going to be having sex ladies and gents. Just be safe and be ready. And again, I’m not telling you what to do. That’s all your choice. But be safe. Have fun. And if you think what you’re doing is stupid or wrong, it probably is.

If you think this content is shit, I’m sorry. I’m still getting used to writing about this sort of thing. And then I just get disorganized. Either way, happy sex-capades or not.