I'm sitting at home with the actual time to write and put something out there for this blog.
I know I've been away.
Let's just say, finals ripped my ass apart...
And that's never a good thing.
But I wanted to take the time to say,
happy holidays.
Remember, it's not about the presents under the tree... but being with the people you love and enjoying their company.
NavBar
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
With the Chance of Loss
The past couple of weeks have been sort of rough.
In between class exams, class registration and leaving for Texas in the middle of the quarter, the Philippines madness, I have had some important family business going on.
I barely went to class these past few weeks.
I'm not even going to hide that.
I didn't go to class.
And I'm upset with myself about it.
But in all honesty, knowing you have family and friends who are in a state of emergency is more than alarming. It's terrifying, (not electrifying). And knowing there are many out there suffering from the wraths of mother nature only makes you think about how you can help. While I had to hear about family friends and members from here in the United States board planes not less than a day after Tacloban (Thaa - clo - bahn) was hit, I also had to hear about how they might not find who they are looking for.
And it makes me so sad.
It makes me re-evaluate what I have on my plate.
It makes me re-evaluate what I have in my hands.. what I have that others don't ... and how lucky and fortunate I am to be living here.
I am Filipino by descent (amongst other things)... and while I continuously am not proud of the way some of my people act, I do have a soft spot for the country my parents and family were raised in. I hear the stories of their childhood, and mine differ so drastically.
It's like the stories and memories are close to being lost.
And not only are their stories being lost, but so are those of my ancestors... and grandmothers... and grandfathers as their lives come to a closing from old ages and illnesses.
And then I think about the people of Tacloban and the Visayas and the Cebu area - and Coron, Palawan... the little town I went to back in 2010. It was beautiful, and was in the path of the storm. And I know.. it no longer exists as it used to. Gone is the wooden pier restaurant my family had drinks on as the rain came down softly on the ocean around us. Gone is the center market where families had collected to make their days earning. Gone is the internet cafe that I found my brothers and cousin in so often for their hankering for a game of WoW. (Yeah, they're in a beautiful place and they found a cafe to play...)
And while with loss comes new beginnings, such as, babies being born in the midst of all around. Unfortunately, the aftermath of getting relief to these people is a constant struggle. With corrupted politicians and desperation in place of hunger, thirst - the survival mode to live, I can not urge you more to help donate what you can to people you know who will get these relief efforts to those who need it.
And while I hide my hurt with blatant humor from how heartbreaking it is to hear about loss, I will still carry on holding thoughts and prayers close to my heart because it's all I can offer being more than 5,000 miles away.
RIP to those who lost their lives in Yolanda.
Blessings to those who are now fighting to survive.
Prayers to those who need it.
and last but not least,
RIP to my grandmother who helped raised the amazing mother I have. Without her and her sisters, my mom wouldn't be who she is... and I wouldn't be me without them.
Love thy country... even if.... I have other opinions about the way they carry their media.
In between class exams, class registration and leaving for Texas in the middle of the quarter, the Philippines madness, I have had some important family business going on.
I barely went to class these past few weeks.
I'm not even going to hide that.
I didn't go to class.
And I'm upset with myself about it.
But in all honesty, knowing you have family and friends who are in a state of emergency is more than alarming. It's terrifying, (not electrifying). And knowing there are many out there suffering from the wraths of mother nature only makes you think about how you can help. While I had to hear about family friends and members from here in the United States board planes not less than a day after Tacloban (Thaa - clo - bahn) was hit, I also had to hear about how they might not find who they are looking for.
And it makes me so sad.
It makes me re-evaluate what I have on my plate.
It makes me re-evaluate what I have in my hands.. what I have that others don't ... and how lucky and fortunate I am to be living here.
I am Filipino by descent (amongst other things)... and while I continuously am not proud of the way some of my people act, I do have a soft spot for the country my parents and family were raised in. I hear the stories of their childhood, and mine differ so drastically.
It's like the stories and memories are close to being lost.
And not only are their stories being lost, but so are those of my ancestors... and grandmothers... and grandfathers as their lives come to a closing from old ages and illnesses.
And then I think about the people of Tacloban and the Visayas and the Cebu area - and Coron, Palawan... the little town I went to back in 2010. It was beautiful, and was in the path of the storm. And I know.. it no longer exists as it used to. Gone is the wooden pier restaurant my family had drinks on as the rain came down softly on the ocean around us. Gone is the center market where families had collected to make their days earning. Gone is the internet cafe that I found my brothers and cousin in so often for their hankering for a game of WoW. (Yeah, they're in a beautiful place and they found a cafe to play...)
And while with loss comes new beginnings, such as, babies being born in the midst of all around. Unfortunately, the aftermath of getting relief to these people is a constant struggle. With corrupted politicians and desperation in place of hunger, thirst - the survival mode to live, I can not urge you more to help donate what you can to people you know who will get these relief efforts to those who need it.
And while I hide my hurt with blatant humor from how heartbreaking it is to hear about loss, I will still carry on holding thoughts and prayers close to my heart because it's all I can offer being more than 5,000 miles away.
RIP to those who lost their lives in Yolanda.
Blessings to those who are now fighting to survive.
Prayers to those who need it.
and last but not least,
RIP to my grandmother who helped raised the amazing mother I have. Without her and her sisters, my mom wouldn't be who she is... and I wouldn't be me without them.
Love thy country... even if.... I have other opinions about the way they carry their media.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Bullying.
Bullying is a very sensitive subject to many.
Everyone understands the idea of bullying. Be it, repeated name calling, picking on someone, teasing someone in a hurtful manner, doing anything to hurt someone else is an act of bullying.
However, bullying isn't just physical. It can also occur verbally. And while others believe "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...," the truth is, sometimes the scars and bruises from sticks and stones may heal but mentally the words said, the blows felt, the mental pain will forever leave a sting in the heart and mind of that person.
I can't say that I'm not a bully. I say things in a sarcastic manner that does hurt people's feelings... even if I don't mean to hurt someone. Unintentionally, the words I do say sometimes hurt other's. And that is something I know about myself. It is precisely why I tried to curb and handle my anger. My words get the best of me sometimes. And in those moments of anger, I don't mean it... but those words sure do sting. Like hell.
But then there's the people who believe they aren't bullies and say things purposely to hurt someone. They say things knowing it will provoke a reaction from others. Provoking some type of reaction from someone using words in a negative manner is a type of bullying. And usually, those hurt the most.
Saying words intentionally shouldn't be used to provoke reactions.
It's just one of those things people haven't learned to understand or fail to comprehend. Some are just plain ignorant about it. No matter what, words can be hurtful - and the pain that accompanies it can be longer lasting than physical pain. Both physical and verbal pain attribute to mental exhaustion. This mental exhaustion drives people to sometimes self harm. There really isn't an "easy way out."
Being a bully is being a bully. And while I can apologize for how my blunt and sarcastic demeanor can come off as rude and mean, those who intentionally say stuff to hurt other's can honestly go fuck themselves over because accidental quips are EXTREMELY different than intentional ones.
So right now while my sister continues to degrade my being with her words, I will continue to go on. I'll tell her to "fuck off," and become in trouble for using such language. I'll tell my mom how it is to have to listen to her talk to me like that, and I will hear how I'm being such a brat for not wanting to stand down.
I will not stand down to bullies.
I will continue to be rebuked for my harsh and inappropriate language.
I will continue to hear the words about how I am such a brat for not wanting to deal with someone's bullshit or replying with a sarcastic quip. (Because text cannot interpret sarcasm.)
And I will continue to listen to how I can't do anything right with my life, how big of a disappointment I am since I haven't finished school, and how I cannot contribute to financial situations because I quit my job after my mom asked me to so I can focus on school but I still suck because I can't help pay for anything but stay in more than $25,000 in debt (and still incurring) for trying to obtain a degree that's only making me more depressed than happy as days go by only to have to sit there and handle it.
If there's something I do know and understand how to handle on my own without feeling like complete, utter shit, it's cutting off toxic relationships from trying to hanker a control of my life. AKA good riddance to your filthy self until I feel like talking to your bitchasses again because fuck you I can deal with not talking to stupid, pretentious fucks for all eternity.
Everyone understands the idea of bullying. Be it, repeated name calling, picking on someone, teasing someone in a hurtful manner, doing anything to hurt someone else is an act of bullying.
However, bullying isn't just physical. It can also occur verbally. And while others believe "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...," the truth is, sometimes the scars and bruises from sticks and stones may heal but mentally the words said, the blows felt, the mental pain will forever leave a sting in the heart and mind of that person.
I can't say that I'm not a bully. I say things in a sarcastic manner that does hurt people's feelings... even if I don't mean to hurt someone. Unintentionally, the words I do say sometimes hurt other's. And that is something I know about myself. It is precisely why I tried to curb and handle my anger. My words get the best of me sometimes. And in those moments of anger, I don't mean it... but those words sure do sting. Like hell.
But then there's the people who believe they aren't bullies and say things purposely to hurt someone. They say things knowing it will provoke a reaction from others. Provoking some type of reaction from someone using words in a negative manner is a type of bullying. And usually, those hurt the most.
Saying words intentionally shouldn't be used to provoke reactions.
It's just one of those things people haven't learned to understand or fail to comprehend. Some are just plain ignorant about it. No matter what, words can be hurtful - and the pain that accompanies it can be longer lasting than physical pain. Both physical and verbal pain attribute to mental exhaustion. This mental exhaustion drives people to sometimes self harm. There really isn't an "easy way out."
Being a bully is being a bully. And while I can apologize for how my blunt and sarcastic demeanor can come off as rude and mean, those who intentionally say stuff to hurt other's can honestly go fuck themselves over because accidental quips are EXTREMELY different than intentional ones.
So right now while my sister continues to degrade my being with her words, I will continue to go on. I'll tell her to "fuck off," and become in trouble for using such language. I'll tell my mom how it is to have to listen to her talk to me like that, and I will hear how I'm being such a brat for not wanting to stand down.
I will not stand down to bullies.
I will continue to be rebuked for my harsh and inappropriate language.
I will continue to hear the words about how I am such a brat for not wanting to deal with someone's bullshit or replying with a sarcastic quip. (Because text cannot interpret sarcasm.)
And I will continue to listen to how I can't do anything right with my life, how big of a disappointment I am since I haven't finished school, and how I cannot contribute to financial situations because I quit my job after my mom asked me to so I can focus on school but I still suck because I can't help pay for anything but stay in more than $25,000 in debt (and still incurring) for trying to obtain a degree that's only making me more depressed than happy as days go by only to have to sit there and handle it.
If there's something I do know and understand how to handle on my own without feeling like complete, utter shit, it's cutting off toxic relationships from trying to hanker a control of my life. AKA good riddance to your filthy self until I feel like talking to your bitchasses again because fuck you I can deal with not talking to stupid, pretentious fucks for all eternity.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Things I Should've Said Tonight
Maybe I should do this regularly. Quite often, I find myself in some situations where I actually do bite my tongue and hold my words. But when I do sometimes I wish I just said it rather than holding it in. In this society, there may not always be a time and place for everything... but there is a time when holding your tongue is the "mature" thing to do.
Now I put "mature" in quotes because it's all about a personal perspective. To bite one's tongue, roll with the punches, ignore the haters... whatever. I don't know (half-sy sort of don't care...)
You know, I don't always make the best decisions. Life is to be lived and in college, some kids really hold to that. If you met me two years ago, I barely made it through the week sober. If you saw me last year, you wouldn't think I drank nearly as much as a I actually have.
In all honesty, I am a self-proclaimed alcoholic socialite. I drink on occasion, off occasion, when I feel like it, when I don't, when I'm uncomfortable, when I'm comfortable, and I admit, sometimes when I'm set as DD, a shot or two is my limit because let's face it, drinking and driving is a terrible behavior that should never be done.
And then I wait like 3 more hours and take care of the ass-shit throwing their guts up or passed out on the couch just so I have an excuse so another bottle or spout doesn't come my way... all the while I am again, guzzling a water bottle.
So here it is, on a Monday night, with a class at 8AM.
Things I Should've Said Tonight (if I didn't already yell it out loud):
1. Fuck you
2. I don't fucking care what you think.
3. You're a prick.
4. It's okay that you forgot my name but right now I just don't give a fuck about you.
5. Have fun, live a little.
6. Your drugs are pungent.
7. I know you're gay and I'm cool with that so please don't get mad when I tell a guy (who is also gay) that he wants a dick in his mouth. Face it, we could all use one.
8. No, I'm not lesbian.
9. Why the fuck are you touching me.
10. Why the fuck are you talking to me.
11. Girl, you are gonna be a shitshow in 5 minutes... but I don't care.
12. Girl, are you okay cause you are borderline shitshow and I do actually care.
13. Boob sweat is one of the filthiest feelings ever. But don't scoop me unless you want your dick dunked through your balls.
14. In Joe's words... "LET ME BE GREAT."
15. You need to put on some clothes. I do not appreciate seeing your junk all over the place. Wrap it up.
16. I'm not really drunk. I just hate boob sweat and people think I'm drunk so there. *nipple pinch*
17. I need like 5 more shots to actually be drunk right now. And I fucking hate boob sweat.
18. You're a bitch! (with a smile on my face.)
19. Just because your dick was in my mouth once doesn't mean I want to keep seeing it.
and I probably said this once or twice tonight, but fuck:
20. Shit happens.
p.s. I may have happened to leave the party early... but it's still going... it's "only" 2 AM.... well fuck.
Now I put "mature" in quotes because it's all about a personal perspective. To bite one's tongue, roll with the punches, ignore the haters... whatever. I don't know (half-sy sort of don't care...)
You know, I don't always make the best decisions. Life is to be lived and in college, some kids really hold to that. If you met me two years ago, I barely made it through the week sober. If you saw me last year, you wouldn't think I drank nearly as much as a I actually have.
In all honesty, I am a self-proclaimed alcoholic socialite. I drink on occasion, off occasion, when I feel like it, when I don't, when I'm uncomfortable, when I'm comfortable, and I admit, sometimes when I'm set as DD, a shot or two is my limit because let's face it, drinking and driving is a terrible behavior that should never be done.
And then I wait like 3 more hours and take care of the ass-shit throwing their guts up or passed out on the couch just so I have an excuse so another bottle or spout doesn't come my way... all the while I am again, guzzling a water bottle.
So here it is, on a Monday night, with a class at 8AM.
Things I Should've Said Tonight (if I didn't already yell it out loud):
1. Fuck you
2. I don't fucking care what you think.
3. You're a prick.
4. It's okay that you forgot my name but right now I just don't give a fuck about you.
5. Have fun, live a little.
6. Your drugs are pungent.
7. I know you're gay and I'm cool with that so please don't get mad when I tell a guy (who is also gay) that he wants a dick in his mouth. Face it, we could all use one.
8. No, I'm not lesbian.
9. Why the fuck are you touching me.
10. Why the fuck are you talking to me.
11. Girl, you are gonna be a shitshow in 5 minutes... but I don't care.
12. Girl, are you okay cause you are borderline shitshow and I do actually care.
13. Boob sweat is one of the filthiest feelings ever. But don't scoop me unless you want your dick dunked through your balls.
14. In Joe's words... "LET ME BE GREAT."
15. You need to put on some clothes. I do not appreciate seeing your junk all over the place. Wrap it up.
16. I'm not really drunk. I just hate boob sweat and people think I'm drunk so there. *nipple pinch*
17. I need like 5 more shots to actually be drunk right now. And I fucking hate boob sweat.
18. You're a bitch! (with a smile on my face.)
19. Just because your dick was in my mouth once doesn't mean I want to keep seeing it.
and I probably said this once or twice tonight, but fuck:
20. Shit happens.
p.s. I may have happened to leave the party early... but it's still going... it's "only" 2 AM.... well fuck.
Monday, October 14, 2013
On FFF.
When I triple F like triple A, I'm telling you "fuck fake friends."
And I honestly don't believe there is an easier way to say it because that is the only way you can be so blunt about it.
I'm not the type of person to pretend I like someone for my own personal gain.
I'm not the type of person to pretend I like someone for their personal gain.
I'm not the type of person to pretend I like someone. Period.
So if there's a chance that I don't like you, I probably just don't like you for some reason.
Now those "some" reasons aren't reasons like, "I don't like your shoes."
No.
I'm not that shallow. C'mon.
I only believe in having legitimate reasons as to why I shouldn't like someone.
i.e. They have wronged me in away that I cannot find forgivable.
or maaaaybe they two time backstabbed me like a little cunt biscuit whore.
No really.
I give everyone a fair chance. It's not that I'm particularly hard to get along with... And it's not that I have trust issues either. (Okay, maybe I do have a few trust issues. But really... who doesn't?!?!)
I like it when the people around me keep it 100% real.
That includes telling me something I don't like.
That includes telling me something I'm going to HATE.
But really, the world has so many fake people around, it's quite ridiculous.
If people ask me why I don't like someone, I'll tell you the truth.
- Some bitch lied to my face and didn't want to be honest with me. (This is a 50% survival rate of me liking them after... If you have a sound reason as to why you would do some shady shit - I will forgive you. Tell me the story, I'll listen.)
- Some bitch took the easy way out and flung shit out from right under my nose. (Because I have a tendency to be quiet honest and blunt about things... people like to say that I said something that I may or may not have said... and be shady about it. No.)
- Some bitch wanted to be a judgmental little fuck the minute I said something. I'm not stupid. I can see that look on your face. Because I do it too. However, the difference between you and I is, I give people the benefit of the doubt and I don't lie about it. If I don't like something you do, I'll fucking tell you. And if I'm judging in that split second - I'll tell you.
Pretty much, I say it how it is. To others it's "too confrontational."
Oh, I'm sorry I didn't baby you like your parents did. Am I supposed to be one of those people? Because I won't be... and quite honestly, that is the real world. That is how shit works. That's exactly what happens.
And if you can't handle it, well fuck - maybe you need to stay in your little, pretty fake bubble.
But what pisses me off most is when these people (oh the really good deceivers - look a compliment!)... are your "friends."
Using you.
Taking advantage of you.
Finding any possible reason to find a way to manipulate you.
Or just outright be a hoe and shit on your face by doing something shady...
Emphasis on that last one because it recently happened and any mature adult would have discussed it before it happen. Only problem here is I'm immature when immaturity wrongs me so it comes down to child play. Ooops.
But really, fuck fake friends.
You don't need them.
You'll know who your real homies are.
Deuces mo.
And I honestly don't believe there is an easier way to say it because that is the only way you can be so blunt about it.
I'm not the type of person to pretend I like someone for my own personal gain.
I'm not the type of person to pretend I like someone for their personal gain.
I'm not the type of person to pretend I like someone. Period.
So if there's a chance that I don't like you, I probably just don't like you for some reason.
Now those "some" reasons aren't reasons like, "I don't like your shoes."
No.
I'm not that shallow. C'mon.
I only believe in having legitimate reasons as to why I shouldn't like someone.
i.e. They have wronged me in away that I cannot find forgivable.
or maaaaybe they two time backstabbed me like a little cunt biscuit whore.
No really.
I give everyone a fair chance. It's not that I'm particularly hard to get along with... And it's not that I have trust issues either. (Okay, maybe I do have a few trust issues. But really... who doesn't?!?!)
I like it when the people around me keep it 100% real.
That includes telling me something I don't like.
That includes telling me something I'm going to HATE.
But really, the world has so many fake people around, it's quite ridiculous.
If people ask me why I don't like someone, I'll tell you the truth.
- Some bitch lied to my face and didn't want to be honest with me. (This is a 50% survival rate of me liking them after... If you have a sound reason as to why you would do some shady shit - I will forgive you. Tell me the story, I'll listen.)
- Some bitch took the easy way out and flung shit out from right under my nose. (Because I have a tendency to be quiet honest and blunt about things... people like to say that I said something that I may or may not have said... and be shady about it. No.)
- Some bitch wanted to be a judgmental little fuck the minute I said something. I'm not stupid. I can see that look on your face. Because I do it too. However, the difference between you and I is, I give people the benefit of the doubt and I don't lie about it. If I don't like something you do, I'll fucking tell you. And if I'm judging in that split second - I'll tell you.
Pretty much, I say it how it is. To others it's "too confrontational."
Oh, I'm sorry I didn't baby you like your parents did. Am I supposed to be one of those people? Because I won't be... and quite honestly, that is the real world. That is how shit works. That's exactly what happens.
And if you can't handle it, well fuck - maybe you need to stay in your little, pretty fake bubble.
But what pisses me off most is when these people (oh the really good deceivers - look a compliment!)... are your "friends."
Using you.
Taking advantage of you.
Finding any possible reason to find a way to manipulate you.
Or just outright be a hoe and shit on your face by doing something shady...
Emphasis on that last one because it recently happened and any mature adult would have discussed it before it happen. Only problem here is I'm immature when immaturity wrongs me so it comes down to child play. Ooops.
But really, fuck fake friends.
You don't need them.
You'll know who your real homies are.
Deuces mo.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
I am hungover.
In a drunken habit, I only sleep for 5 - 6 hours and end up waking up way earlier than I do on most days.
And that is exactly what happened this morning when I passed out before midnight after upchucking my entire dinner and whatever remnants was still left in my tummy not only in the toilet and the kitchen sink. (And I do apologize to my awesome housemates who took care of my ass and my mess...)
But this morning when I woke up, I was still slightly drunk and feeling like complete utter shit. It hit me. I was going to be hung-thefuck-over.
I crawled my way out of bed to the bathroom and sat there for a good minute thinking I was going to throw up. And I did.
And all I could think was.... "welllll fuck."
So I went through my ways of getting rid of morning after drunkenness.
1. Get a glass of water - I could barely get my ass to the bathroom. Getting to the kitchen was a nightmare I did not like. And so I got my ass up. Stumbled my way into the kitchen. Struggled a lot. Struggled s'more. And the struggle just kept struggling.
2. Taking a nice, hot shower. This is where it proceeded to go all wrong. Alllll wrong. I was in the shower. And it wasn't working. Usually I could feel the drunken film lift off and I'd be good to go. It wasn't happening. I wanted to cry.
3. Food.
Instead, I sat in the fucking shower. Struggling to wash my hair and bits. It was just a mess.
I ended up going back to bed for a few hours.
Woke up. HUNG- THEFUCK- OVER.
And it has been more than 10 hours.
And I am still hung the fuck over.
You know how it feels like having to walk to school? The struggle is damn real. It was a gloomy day and sunglasses did not help.
My head was pounding. I could barely carry my backpack. And just walking down the street seemed like the worst idea ever.
But I had class and I was determined to go.
My first class made me look uninterested as I tried to keep my head up by propping it on my arm.
My professor's words? "I know this is boring but it's important." It wasn't boring. I'm just hungover.
And then the rain came... I had 10 minutes to get to the other fucking side of campus in the rain. And stairs were just a big no.
My second class is about human sexuality... and today we had to look at vaginas. And me, being a girl who likes dick and rarely even looks at her own vagina..... (I did once when I read this book by gURL.com... And apparently every girl needs to get acquainted with her vag.) ... I struggled to hold down a fat sandwich my friend and I had bought this morning as I stared into the curvatures of the woman bits. The room didn't help either as it was old, musty and smelled like ass because of the rain and people. The blown up vagina on the screen was just no.
And then the best part came.
A video about fucking woman circumcision.
And that's where I wanted to die.
And I felt even more sick. My head was still pounding despite my 600mg dosage of ibuprofen.
As I write, I'm still hungover.
My face hurts because I slammed the side of my face into the wall.
It's 10 at night.
And I'm getting distracted.
And I'm probably gonna beat the living shit out of my laptop because the light hurts my head still.
FUCK HANGOVERS.
Enjoy this shitty blog post because my incompetent ass cannot function or doing anything properly.
PS. Tacos and then drinking is the worst possible combination ever.
And that is exactly what happened this morning when I passed out before midnight after upchucking my entire dinner and whatever remnants was still left in my tummy not only in the toilet and the kitchen sink. (And I do apologize to my awesome housemates who took care of my ass and my mess...)
But this morning when I woke up, I was still slightly drunk and feeling like complete utter shit. It hit me. I was going to be hung-thefuck-over.
I crawled my way out of bed to the bathroom and sat there for a good minute thinking I was going to throw up. And I did.
And all I could think was.... "welllll fuck."
So I went through my ways of getting rid of morning after drunkenness.
1. Get a glass of water - I could barely get my ass to the bathroom. Getting to the kitchen was a nightmare I did not like. And so I got my ass up. Stumbled my way into the kitchen. Struggled a lot. Struggled s'more. And the struggle just kept struggling.
2. Taking a nice, hot shower. This is where it proceeded to go all wrong. Alllll wrong. I was in the shower. And it wasn't working. Usually I could feel the drunken film lift off and I'd be good to go. It wasn't happening. I wanted to cry.
3. Food.
Instead, I sat in the fucking shower. Struggling to wash my hair and bits. It was just a mess.
I ended up going back to bed for a few hours.
Woke up. HUNG- THEFUCK- OVER.
And it has been more than 10 hours.
And I am still hung the fuck over.
You know how it feels like having to walk to school? The struggle is damn real. It was a gloomy day and sunglasses did not help.
My head was pounding. I could barely carry my backpack. And just walking down the street seemed like the worst idea ever.
But I had class and I was determined to go.
My first class made me look uninterested as I tried to keep my head up by propping it on my arm.
My professor's words? "I know this is boring but it's important." It wasn't boring. I'm just hungover.
And then the rain came... I had 10 minutes to get to the other fucking side of campus in the rain. And stairs were just a big no.
My second class is about human sexuality... and today we had to look at vaginas. And me, being a girl who likes dick and rarely even looks at her own vagina..... (I did once when I read this book by gURL.com... And apparently every girl needs to get acquainted with her vag.) ... I struggled to hold down a fat sandwich my friend and I had bought this morning as I stared into the curvatures of the woman bits. The room didn't help either as it was old, musty and smelled like ass because of the rain and people. The blown up vagina on the screen was just no.
And then the best part came.
A video about fucking woman circumcision.
And that's where I wanted to die.
And I felt even more sick. My head was still pounding despite my 600mg dosage of ibuprofen.
As I write, I'm still hungover.
My face hurts because I slammed the side of my face into the wall.
It's 10 at night.
And I'm getting distracted.
And I'm probably gonna beat the living shit out of my laptop because the light hurts my head still.
FUCK HANGOVERS.
Enjoy this shitty blog post because my incompetent ass cannot function or doing anything properly.
PS. Tacos and then drinking is the worst possible combination ever.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
A Quick Rant on Roommates
Alright. Hold up. Lemme just take a quick minute and tell you about this thing.
At this moment, I am taking a few courses about sex, dynamics, and mechanical behavior about materials... whilst living in a house with a few people.
Now, now. I don't want to scare you off about roommates or housemates or living with strangers.
But sometimes you're not so damn lucky and you want to blow the head off of one... just like I want to do right now.
I have posted the unwritten rules of college roommates in the past on another blog. Maybe, I should pull up part one and part two and shove them in his face because obviously he is not getting it.
Really.
How many times do I have to walk in...
with the tv on?
with the lights on?
with the lights on during the day?
with no one around with both the tv and lights on?
wake up to your shit music?
wake up to your shit rifts?
wake up to your struggling and straining voice?
fail to fall asleep because the bass on MY surround system is echoing in MY room because of YOU?
fail to fall asleep because you're having some sort of one man concert at 2 AM?
deal with your nosey ass?
be questioned like I'm in an interrogation office interrogated by a criminology team?
Shit dude. My business is my business.
If I want to walk outside of the house at 2 AM because someone wants to give me a gift, then so be it.
But why dafuq you gotta follow me out of the house like you need to know?
Cause honestly, you don't.
Plus I am not your mom. Take care of your responsibilities. Like don't ask me how much your rent is that you agreed to pay. Boy, I already have trouble remembering my own shit, let alone do I have to give 3 fucks about your shit? No.
You are the rudest, most obnoxious roommate I've EVER had to deal with.
And trust me, I've had plenty of housemates, roommates, living people with.
Oh dear.
I've officially come to hate Silent Night and Happy Birthday... Thanks to you.
And HOW DOES ONE RUIN CHRISTMAS SONGS AND THE BIRTHDAY SONG.
It's like annihilating a child.
Maybe not a child, maybe a baby.
You cannot ruin the innocence of those precious holidays.
Yes, let's refer to them as holidays because I'm not religious and I celebrate that business.
Anyways, let me just sit back a minute and dig into my archives of unspoken roommate rules.
Really, I should.
And I'll add all your shit things to it.
By the way, when you cook ramen, it's best if you don't forget about that shit or just leave it sitting cause it turns to mush and looks like you're eating diarrhea noodles.
Ok.
Homie K OUT.
At this moment, I am taking a few courses about sex, dynamics, and mechanical behavior about materials... whilst living in a house with a few people.
Now, now. I don't want to scare you off about roommates or housemates or living with strangers.
But sometimes you're not so damn lucky and you want to blow the head off of one... just like I want to do right now.
I have posted the unwritten rules of college roommates in the past on another blog. Maybe, I should pull up part one and part two and shove them in his face because obviously he is not getting it.
Really.
How many times do I have to walk in...
with the tv on?
with the lights on?
with the lights on during the day?
with no one around with both the tv and lights on?
wake up to your shit music?
wake up to your shit rifts?
wake up to your struggling and straining voice?
fail to fall asleep because the bass on MY surround system is echoing in MY room because of YOU?
fail to fall asleep because you're having some sort of one man concert at 2 AM?
deal with your nosey ass?
be questioned like I'm in an interrogation office interrogated by a criminology team?
Shit dude. My business is my business.
If I want to walk outside of the house at 2 AM because someone wants to give me a gift, then so be it.
But why dafuq you gotta follow me out of the house like you need to know?
Cause honestly, you don't.
Plus I am not your mom. Take care of your responsibilities. Like don't ask me how much your rent is that you agreed to pay. Boy, I already have trouble remembering my own shit, let alone do I have to give 3 fucks about your shit? No.
You are the rudest, most obnoxious roommate I've EVER had to deal with.
And trust me, I've had plenty of housemates, roommates, living people with.
Oh dear.
I've officially come to hate Silent Night and Happy Birthday... Thanks to you.
And HOW DOES ONE RUIN CHRISTMAS SONGS AND THE BIRTHDAY SONG.
It's like annihilating a child.
Maybe not a child, maybe a baby.
You cannot ruin the innocence of those precious holidays.
Yes, let's refer to them as holidays because I'm not religious and I celebrate that business.
Anyways, let me just sit back a minute and dig into my archives of unspoken roommate rules.
Really, I should.
And I'll add all your shit things to it.
By the way, when you cook ramen, it's best if you don't forget about that shit or just leave it sitting cause it turns to mush and looks like you're eating diarrhea noodles.
Ok.
Homie K OUT.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Forms of Social Media
I'm writing this on my phone right now because my laptop is in my room, but I wanted to update because I am so angry.
I have friends that understand what position I am in. They understand and I'm glad.
With the various forms of social media in the market today, apparently it's not right for me to restart my own blog.
I've been writing on the internet for 11 years now.
I've been connected to the World Wide Web since AOL 1.0 came out on Windows 98.
I've been through dial up, cable, satellite- you name it.
I've also been through T-mobile, Cingular, Verizon, and AT&T.
There was also charter, directv, comcast, time warner.
There's so many types of social media. YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, xanga, MySpace, Facebook, Google+, LiveJournal... SO MANY.
But what ticks me off is that some people think you have to limit yourself to one type. When you don't. You really don't. The world is a creative outlet and you can do with it what you want.
So when I blog, I blog because it gives me not only something to do, but the opportunity to share. Even if people don't read it! I don't care! It's out there, ready to be approached. And at least I attempted it. I don't feel like I have to consult on something entirely different. I don't have to, I shouldn't have to. It's my life.
However, being completely cut out from something where my ideas were used sucks. It's like having part of your creative identity being stripped. And trust me, I have plenty of experience of feeling like that after taking many classes. The way this was approached was done incorrectly (in my opinion).
Some situations are inevitable to occur. It happens. But man, talk about totally pulling the rug from under your feet.
I have friends that understand what position I am in. They understand and I'm glad.
With the various forms of social media in the market today, apparently it's not right for me to restart my own blog.
I've been writing on the internet for 11 years now.
I've been connected to the World Wide Web since AOL 1.0 came out on Windows 98.
I've been through dial up, cable, satellite- you name it.
I've also been through T-mobile, Cingular, Verizon, and AT&T.
There was also charter, directv, comcast, time warner.
There's so many types of social media. YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, xanga, MySpace, Facebook, Google+, LiveJournal... SO MANY.
But what ticks me off is that some people think you have to limit yourself to one type. When you don't. You really don't. The world is a creative outlet and you can do with it what you want.
So when I blog, I blog because it gives me not only something to do, but the opportunity to share. Even if people don't read it! I don't care! It's out there, ready to be approached. And at least I attempted it. I don't feel like I have to consult on something entirely different. I don't have to, I shouldn't have to. It's my life.
However, being completely cut out from something where my ideas were used sucks. It's like having part of your creative identity being stripped. And trust me, I have plenty of experience of feeling like that after taking many classes. The way this was approached was done incorrectly (in my opinion).
Some situations are inevitable to occur. It happens. But man, talk about totally pulling the rug from under your feet.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Connected!
FINALLY.
FINALLY.
I am officially connected to the interwebs world via WiFi. Not my shotty phone hotspot, but actual WiFi. Expect to see updates more frequently. Actually, I am sorry I haven't posted. It's difficult trying to save phone data and not going over. The struggle. It is damn real. And now, now I am free.
Actually, I have a date with a few friends because I am in dire need of a boba pick me up.
I'll come back with a new post soon. Pinkies. (aka pinky promise).
FINALLY.
I am officially connected to the interwebs world via WiFi. Not my shotty phone hotspot, but actual WiFi. Expect to see updates more frequently. Actually, I am sorry I haven't posted. It's difficult trying to save phone data and not going over. The struggle. It is damn real. And now, now I am free.
Actually, I have a date with a few friends because I am in dire need of a boba pick me up.
I'll come back with a new post soon. Pinkies. (aka pinky promise).
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Being a Role Model
Role
Models.
When
I was 5 years old, the only people I had around me to look up to where my older
sister, aunts (ti’s), & the ladies on television. Fast-forward to a few
years later, my mother’s side was in full swing with plenty of younger cousins
around.
Let
me start off by telling you, I am not the greatest role model. I don’t think I
am a great one. And yet, because of family dynamics – I still am one.
I
am the only one in my family pursuing a science degree after growing up
primarily interested in the Arts. I learned the hard way in which college
applications and financial aid work. I was the first one to leave the house to
live somewhere else (school). I was the first one to struggle as broke ass
college student. And to be quite honest, I am very aware that I am a shit role model.
But there is a way I teach my cousins. There was a way I showed my brothers. And
it’s to expose them to not only the good, but also the bad and the ugly.
Friday, August 23, 2013
GIRLS CAN BE SCARY.
Warning: I curse. I curse like a mad man and my foul language takes over. So be forewarned.
Let me be the one tell you right now. Girls can be scary. And fangirls are scarier.
I'm gonna lighten the mood away from all the sex talk that has been floating around & give you a little hindsight on the minds of fangirls and fandoms and how scary they can be.
Now, I've been an avid One Direction fan for probably the last two years now. Being an American, I rarely kept up with XFactor UK because uh, one: I'm American and had American cable and two: in college, the cool thing to do is not pay for cable because it's a waste of money and I'm a broke ass college student. Ok?! K. But that didn't stop me from hearing about them.
Honestly, I can safely say I've been around for awhile in that 1D fandom and damn. THINGS HIT THE FAN AND IT'S SCARY. IT'S FRIGHTENING. AND IF THERE'S PEOPLE I NEVER WANT TO DEAL WITH IN A FIGHT... it's not thugs, gangsters or gangbangers or whatever... it's fucking fangirls.
Let me be the one tell you right now. Girls can be scary. And fangirls are scarier.
I'm gonna lighten the mood away from all the sex talk that has been floating around & give you a little hindsight on the minds of fangirls and fandoms and how scary they can be.
Now, I've been an avid One Direction fan for probably the last two years now. Being an American, I rarely kept up with XFactor UK because uh, one: I'm American and had American cable and two: in college, the cool thing to do is not pay for cable because it's a waste of money and I'm a broke ass college student. Ok?! K. But that didn't stop me from hearing about them.
Honestly, I can safely say I've been around for awhile in that 1D fandom and damn. THINGS HIT THE FAN AND IT'S SCARY. IT'S FRIGHTENING. AND IF THERE'S PEOPLE I NEVER WANT TO DEAL WITH IN A FIGHT... it's not thugs, gangsters or gangbangers or whatever... it's fucking fangirls.
Flick the Bean or Beat the Meat?
Flick the bean?
Beat the meat?
Polish the pearl?
Beat it?
Jerk off?
Kill a kitten?
Have a tug of war with cyclops?!
Okay. So the last two weren't really on my list of what people call masturbation... but they were just WAY too off for me to not include. There's more people call masturbation but let's just not get into that just about now.
Instead, let's talk about masturbation. Personally, I feel gross even just thinking about. But for the sake of enlightening and informing you, let's get on with it.
Now boys, I can't really say I know what I'm talking about here. I have tons of guy friends and guy cousins and brothers but to say that I talk about masturbation with them would be an absolute lie. And ladies, if you think I have a damn clue what I'm talking about, uh, I honestly don't because I find it grody. And yes, I just used the word grody. Don't ask why, I just feel dirty. But if you enjoy it, then so be it.
Beat the meat?
Polish the pearl?
Beat it?
Jerk off?
Kill a kitten?
Have a tug of war with cyclops?!
Okay. So the last two weren't really on my list of what people call masturbation... but they were just WAY too off for me to not include. There's more people call masturbation but let's just not get into that just about now.
Instead, let's talk about masturbation. Personally, I feel gross even just thinking about. But for the sake of enlightening and informing you, let's get on with it.
Now boys, I can't really say I know what I'm talking about here. I have tons of guy friends and guy cousins and brothers but to say that I talk about masturbation with them would be an absolute lie. And ladies, if you think I have a damn clue what I'm talking about, uh, I honestly don't because I find it grody. And yes, I just used the word grody. Don't ask why, I just feel dirty. But if you enjoy it, then so be it.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Hihoe. Hihoe. Hey hoe.
Heyyyyy ho(e).
My deepest apologies. It has been days since my last update. And I really do feel bad about that. Right now, I am connected through my phone hotspot. And to be honest, hotspot is such a kinky word.
Now the only problem with this set up is the unpredictable network drops. [Ahem, thanks my cellular network provider. You guys are totally awesome.]
Anyways, I don't mean to call you guys hoes. Really I don't. It's just my way of greeting my friend on social media networks and I found it fitting.
So hi ho(e)s.
I've got a number of topics I'd love to share with you.
They're archived on my little notes on my notepad on my phone right now.
Don't think I've forgotten about you, my pretty little blog.
But let me take this last sentence to tell you to prepare yourself for something big for what you're going to read about next.
Something big I tell you.
And it has to do with ladybits and manbits so everyone is involved.
My friends, welcome (with open arms and hearts and minds) the world of
masturbation.
My deepest apologies. It has been days since my last update. And I really do feel bad about that. Right now, I am connected through my phone hotspot. And to be honest, hotspot is such a kinky word.
Now the only problem with this set up is the unpredictable network drops. [Ahem, thanks my cellular network provider. You guys are totally awesome.]
Anyways, I don't mean to call you guys hoes. Really I don't. It's just my way of greeting my friend on social media networks and I found it fitting.
So hi ho(e)s.
I've got a number of topics I'd love to share with you.
They're archived on my little notes on my notepad on my phone right now.
Don't think I've forgotten about you, my pretty little blog.
But let me take this last sentence to tell you to prepare yourself for something big for what you're going to read about next.
Something big I tell you.
And it has to do with ladybits and manbits so everyone is involved.
My friends, welcome (with open arms and hearts and minds) the world of
masturbation.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Uh oh
Finally have been graced with Internet connection for only 5 minutes.
I'm on my mobile so this is just a heads up that updates may not come so frequently but I will try to have some ready for posting soon.
Keep with me. 5 6 7 8.
K.
I'm on my mobile so this is just a heads up that updates may not come so frequently but I will try to have some ready for posting soon.
Keep with me. 5 6 7 8.
K.
Friday, August 16, 2013
5 o'clock in the morning.
It is 5 AM. Well almost 6 now. And when I think of 5 o'clock in the morning, T-Pain plays fluidly in my mind.
Except I don't like that song much.
It sort of screams desperation.
Just sort of.
I've been in and out of consciousness for the past 12 - 15 hours now.
I've got bug bites that cover about 25% of my calves.
And they hurt. And they itch. And apparently, I scratch them in my sleep.
I found out precisely why they say not to have medication and alcohol.
I found out why the hard way.
I found out that even though I used to be one of those people who rattled, "don't do it! don't do it!"
I still did it.
And wow.
These insect bites on my legs are painful. I have no idea what bit me. I have no idea when it happened. All i know is that they hurt and it sucks when I can't scratch it... but like I said, I scratch them in my sleep. And that only makes it 10x worse.
So to help the relieve the pain because these unsightly things just scream "EW," I took a healthy, and by healthy - I mean HEALTHY, dose of Children's Benadryl.
And for the next few hours I was in and out of consciousness fighting a battle with the antihistamines.
(I just touched one bite and now it's itching like MAD. Help?!)
But yes, a little family reunion and a shot of Jameson later about 2 hours of my Benadryl intake - I was knocked out on the couch with a 7 year old child sitting on top of me. Literally, the kid was sitting on me and I had no recollection of that. I woke up a good 45 minutes later and for the rest of the afternoon until maybe 11, shots pursued.
The 7 year old was given a bath, dishes were washed, hydration was given all under the influence of the Jameson and Benadryl. And to be quite honest, I don't remember much at all. I remember giving the child a 5 count station wash. Every 5 seconds he would wash his hair, or his butt, or something else. And 5 seconds later he was wrapped up and sent to fetch his pajamas. And 5 seconds later he was put in his pajamas ready for bed. Blackout.
And then I remember washing dishes. And I'm kind of a stickler when it comes to that sort of thing. I wash meticulously. I wash carefully. I washed and had no idea what happened. Blackout.
But I was still drowsy from that Benadryl. And still tipsy from the Jameson.
And the combination of the two was not a good one.
Don't do it.
Don't ever do it.
I felt like cake icing flying because of Bennie.
I felt like sailboats like to sail on air because of Jamie.
And Bennie and Jamie worked together to rock me to bed in order for no recollection of the events that day.
Oh and we facetimed my army bro.
If you're ever sick, or ever under medication that induces drowsiness.... try not to drink.
They tell you not to for a reason.
You don't want to learn the hard way.
It sucks. And it's hot.
And now I'm awake at 6 AM.
What a pointless post.
Lol.
Except I don't like that song much.
It sort of screams desperation.
Just sort of.
I've been in and out of consciousness for the past 12 - 15 hours now.
I've got bug bites that cover about 25% of my calves.
And they hurt. And they itch. And apparently, I scratch them in my sleep.
I found out precisely why they say not to have medication and alcohol.
I found out why the hard way.
I found out that even though I used to be one of those people who rattled, "don't do it! don't do it!"
I still did it.
And wow.
These insect bites on my legs are painful. I have no idea what bit me. I have no idea when it happened. All i know is that they hurt and it sucks when I can't scratch it... but like I said, I scratch them in my sleep. And that only makes it 10x worse.
So to help the relieve the pain because these unsightly things just scream "EW," I took a healthy, and by healthy - I mean HEALTHY, dose of Children's Benadryl.
And for the next few hours I was in and out of consciousness fighting a battle with the antihistamines.
(I just touched one bite and now it's itching like MAD. Help?!)
But yes, a little family reunion and a shot of Jameson later about 2 hours of my Benadryl intake - I was knocked out on the couch with a 7 year old child sitting on top of me. Literally, the kid was sitting on me and I had no recollection of that. I woke up a good 45 minutes later and for the rest of the afternoon until maybe 11, shots pursued.
The 7 year old was given a bath, dishes were washed, hydration was given all under the influence of the Jameson and Benadryl. And to be quite honest, I don't remember much at all. I remember giving the child a 5 count station wash. Every 5 seconds he would wash his hair, or his butt, or something else. And 5 seconds later he was wrapped up and sent to fetch his pajamas. And 5 seconds later he was put in his pajamas ready for bed. Blackout.
And then I remember washing dishes. And I'm kind of a stickler when it comes to that sort of thing. I wash meticulously. I wash carefully. I washed and had no idea what happened. Blackout.
But I was still drowsy from that Benadryl. And still tipsy from the Jameson.
And the combination of the two was not a good one.
Don't do it.
Don't ever do it.
I felt like cake icing flying because of Bennie.
I felt like sailboats like to sail on air because of Jamie.
And Bennie and Jamie worked together to rock me to bed in order for no recollection of the events that day.
Oh and we facetimed my army bro.
If you're ever sick, or ever under medication that induces drowsiness.... try not to drink.
They tell you not to for a reason.
You don't want to learn the hard way.
It sucks. And it's hot.
And now I'm awake at 6 AM.
What a pointless post.
Lol.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Let’s talk about sex baby.
Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk abouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut sex.
So how about sex as the one of the first dirty posts I’m probably going to write? As I’m typing this, I’m a bit worried of how all this might pan out. Or how this blog might end up. Or how people might come over and throw dog poop at me.
But they’d have to find me first. With that, let’s get to it.
OMG SEX. Sex is a very natural thing that happens. Dogs do it. Cats do it. Lots of animals do it. But sex. OHHHH. Sex. And no, that “ohhhh” is in no indication a moan. You naughty person, you. But really. What do you talk about when it comes to sex? Sex is such a general topic: oral sex, missionary sex, anal sex, sex sex. Sex. Different types of sex for different types of people. In this case, how about I talk about the different types of sex in different posts? Alright, that’s settled.
Sex in the raw as sex alone. Now normally I rarely talk about these sort of things with friends. I mean, my friends and I talk about it. Sometimes. It’s not a burning topic on our radar. If it comes up, it comes up for like 5 minutes and then we move on. But sex. People looooove it. And by loooove it, I mean there are some people out there obsessed with it. The sex animals, they can’t get enough of it. Speaking of sex animals…. Do you want to know who the horniest people I’ve ever met happened to be? Those children that were under such a tight lock and key… that the fact that they were “rebelling” threw them into a whirlwind of uncontrollable hormones, lust, and um, sex. Also fangirls. The diehard ones. The ones that would kill you if you said something ill about their idol. Cough.
So how about sex as the one of the first dirty posts I’m probably going to write? As I’m typing this, I’m a bit worried of how all this might pan out. Or how this blog might end up. Or how people might come over and throw dog poop at me.
But they’d have to find me first. With that, let’s get to it.
OMG SEX. Sex is a very natural thing that happens. Dogs do it. Cats do it. Lots of animals do it. But sex. OHHHH. Sex. And no, that “ohhhh” is in no indication a moan. You naughty person, you. But really. What do you talk about when it comes to sex? Sex is such a general topic: oral sex, missionary sex, anal sex, sex sex. Sex. Different types of sex for different types of people. In this case, how about I talk about the different types of sex in different posts? Alright, that’s settled.
Sex in the raw as sex alone. Now normally I rarely talk about these sort of things with friends. I mean, my friends and I talk about it. Sometimes. It’s not a burning topic on our radar. If it comes up, it comes up for like 5 minutes and then we move on. But sex. People looooove it. And by loooove it, I mean there are some people out there obsessed with it. The sex animals, they can’t get enough of it. Speaking of sex animals…. Do you want to know who the horniest people I’ve ever met happened to be? Those children that were under such a tight lock and key… that the fact that they were “rebelling” threw them into a whirlwind of uncontrollable hormones, lust, and um, sex. Also fangirls. The diehard ones. The ones that would kill you if you said something ill about their idol. Cough.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
23k
When I started this new blog a few days ago, I contemplated just what it would be about. I knew I wanted to write about something risque and taboo(pretend accent is there). However, I was aware what trouble might come up from it...
I didn't want to write about:
1. fashion - my closet lacks it though I feen it
2. make up - I don't make up my face or have money to review them all
3. I couldn't think of anything else.
To be honest, I would absolutely love to blog about fashion and make up. Let's face it though. My broke ass cannot afford to lavishly spend on clothes, make up, and shoes... even though inside I am absolutely DYING to.
So what did I plan on writing about? Anything. Anything I could possibly think of. Maybe my wanderlust desire. Maybe my baking escapades. Maybe just about life in general. But that wasn't working out. Why? Traveling is something I'm obsessed with and want to do but can't afford... and baking... well I don't have access to an oven so how do I bake ?! Haha. That's when I knew, I just knew I had to change direction.
And when I was driving home today, it dawned on me. Just like in Never Been Kissed (Oh look another film popped up... Wait. Did I mention this a few days ago? If I didn't, well now I did.)... But yes, in Never Been Kissed, Drew Barrymore's character is told, "write what you know." And what did I know about? College, life, family, church, self exploration, blah blah blah - everything a teenage girl goes through.
The kicker? What I knew was that I wanted to talk about the things people were too scared to talk about. So there you have it.
I have decided to take a risk and chance (hah!) and write about all things dirty, true, & taboo. The hard knitty, gritty truth about everything I could possibly think of. Maybe what I've learned along the way can help someone out there too. So there you have it.
23k. A blog about everything. Especially the dirty, true, and taboo.
But don't worry, it just won't be about the "dirty, true, and taboo!" They'll be some "life lesson" sort of things here.
K.
I didn't want to write about:
1. fashion - my closet lacks it though I feen it
2. make up - I don't make up my face or have money to review them all
3. I couldn't think of anything else.
To be honest, I would absolutely love to blog about fashion and make up. Let's face it though. My broke ass cannot afford to lavishly spend on clothes, make up, and shoes... even though inside I am absolutely DYING to.
So what did I plan on writing about? Anything. Anything I could possibly think of. Maybe my wanderlust desire. Maybe my baking escapades. Maybe just about life in general. But that wasn't working out. Why? Traveling is something I'm obsessed with and want to do but can't afford... and baking... well I don't have access to an oven so how do I bake ?! Haha. That's when I knew, I just knew I had to change direction.
And when I was driving home today, it dawned on me. Just like in Never Been Kissed (Oh look another film popped up... Wait. Did I mention this a few days ago? If I didn't, well now I did.)... But yes, in Never Been Kissed, Drew Barrymore's character is told, "write what you know." And what did I know about? College, life, family, church, self exploration, blah blah blah - everything a teenage girl goes through.
The kicker? What I knew was that I wanted to talk about the things people were too scared to talk about. So there you have it.
I have decided to take a risk and chance (hah!) and write about all things dirty, true, & taboo. The hard knitty, gritty truth about everything I could possibly think of. Maybe what I've learned along the way can help someone out there too. So there you have it.
23k. A blog about everything. Especially the dirty, true, and taboo.
But don't worry, it just won't be about the "dirty, true, and taboo!" They'll be some "life lesson" sort of things here.
K.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Taking Chances
ALERT: Spoil alert from a movie from too many years ago.
Now let me begin by saying that I enjoy watching films. (At this very moment I'm actually watching "The Day After Tomorrow." I do enjoy this type of films. I don't know why. I'm a huge cry baby too.) Anyways, I enjoy watching films and listening to music. And then I hear about music artists making films about their stories and their music.
The conversation right here was something that was brought up on Facebook. Of course, I just chimed in because everyone has a story, but not everyone gets to see or hear them. Some of the most influential people in the world are artists. As we know, they give people something to dance to, something to cry to, and most importantly, something to relate to.
I thought films like these would be a joke. I thought they were dumb. What I didn't think about was how their stories could effect my life. You might think that's a joke. You might think I'm absolutely mental. You're right. I probably am.
You see, as people we are continuously learning about well, everything. (Interruption: I've seen this film at least 5 times and it still gives me goosebumps. 10 minutes til everything goes apeshit.) But yes, we are continuously learning about little things and big things whether we know it or not.
And that made me think about this blog post and what I learned about these type of films, (FINALLY GETTING TO IT!), taking chances.
If you're anything like me, taking chances is terrifying. I'm quite shy. I really am. And if there's one thing I wish I could have done more in the past, it's taking more chances. But no regrets. And what am I going to do? Try to take more chances. We'll go with try because I'm chicken shit and I know I will end up backing out 50% of the time. (The guy just sacrificed himself. Cue the crying.)
Okay, back to the point of things. These people in the films did one thing: took a chance. And look where it got them! The people that achieve something they're proud of. I'm not only talking about famous people you call celebrities either. Yeaaaaah, they all took chances too - the chance to put themselves out there.
However, I'm not only talking about them. I'm talking about doctors, firefighters, paramedics, engineers, perhaps your mom, probably your dad, and maybe even the strange person across the cafeteria. They've all taken a chance to become what they We all take chances, really, we do. But how many of us take the chances we can to effectively make ourselves proud of what we can achieve? How many of us actually do that?
I know I don't. So maybe this could be my promise to you that I will try to take more of these crazy chances. [Man, I'm sorry this is such a shit post. Every time this film plays I get so damn distracted by everything, writing included.] Honestly though, if I didn't take a chance on watching those films I would have never learned the things I did from them and their struggles. Everyone has a story and they're intriguing to watch.
POINT OF THIS POST BECAUSE I'M SO FAR DEEP INTO THIS FILM:
TAKE MORE CHANCES!
| Friend 1: | there's going to be a one direction movie? r u serious? why? |
| Acquaintance 1: | just in case they havent made enough money yet |
| Friend 1: | what's it gonna be about how their music changes lives? Yeah, no. |
| Me: | Oh that's mean. |
Now let me begin by saying that I enjoy watching films. (At this very moment I'm actually watching "The Day After Tomorrow." I do enjoy this type of films. I don't know why. I'm a huge cry baby too.) Anyways, I enjoy watching films and listening to music. And then I hear about music artists making films about their stories and their music.
The conversation right here was something that was brought up on Facebook. Of course, I just chimed in because everyone has a story, but not everyone gets to see or hear them. Some of the most influential people in the world are artists. As we know, they give people something to dance to, something to cry to, and most importantly, something to relate to.
I thought films like these would be a joke. I thought they were dumb. What I didn't think about was how their stories could effect my life. You might think that's a joke. You might think I'm absolutely mental. You're right. I probably am.
You see, as people we are continuously learning about well, everything. (Interruption: I've seen this film at least 5 times and it still gives me goosebumps. 10 minutes til everything goes apeshit.) But yes, we are continuously learning about little things and big things whether we know it or not.
And that made me think about this blog post and what I learned about these type of films, (FINALLY GETTING TO IT!), taking chances.
If you're anything like me, taking chances is terrifying. I'm quite shy. I really am. And if there's one thing I wish I could have done more in the past, it's taking more chances. But no regrets. And what am I going to do? Try to take more chances. We'll go with try because I'm chicken shit and I know I will end up backing out 50% of the time. (The guy just sacrificed himself. Cue the crying.)
Okay, back to the point of things. These people in the films did one thing: took a chance. And look where it got them! The people that achieve something they're proud of. I'm not only talking about famous people you call celebrities either. Yeaaaaah, they all took chances too - the chance to put themselves out there.
However, I'm not only talking about them. I'm talking about doctors, firefighters, paramedics, engineers, perhaps your mom, probably your dad, and maybe even the strange person across the cafeteria. They've all taken a chance to become what they We all take chances, really, we do. But how many of us take the chances we can to effectively make ourselves proud of what we can achieve? How many of us actually do that?
I know I don't. So maybe this could be my promise to you that I will try to take more of these crazy chances. [Man, I'm sorry this is such a shit post. Every time this film plays I get so damn distracted by everything, writing included.] Honestly though, if I didn't take a chance on watching those films I would have never learned the things I did from them and their struggles. Everyone has a story and they're intriguing to watch.
POINT OF THIS POST BECAUSE I'M SO FAR DEEP INTO THIS FILM:
TAKE MORE CHANCES!
Piercings and Tattoos
Two words: piercings & tattoos.
Okay so that's three words but I'm primarily focused on the bolded. They're like pringles, once ya pop, ye just can't stop.
I love piercings.
and
I love tattoos.
I don't know what it is about ink. I just enjoy how each design can be your own. And the pain? It's only temporary. And in two weeks, it's art. And piercings? Piercings, when done right, can be absolutely beautiful.
And by being done right, I mean with a needle.
Under no circumstances should you get a piercing or tattoo because it's cheap. A tip? RESEARCH.
Research where.
Research cleanliness.
Research past work.
Research price.
Research artist.
Research pain.
Research healing time.
And make sure it's something that you want. Something that you really want. Especially with tattoos. Unless you roll in a bed of bills every night like I do --- in my dreams, then tattoos are something permanent that you can't just erase the next day when you get sick of it.
And I 'm a girl of change. I compulsively change my passwords. My email. My hair. And most annoyingly, my mind. But the tattoos that I do have, I carefully and meticulously planned w/meaning. Well, the first one with the most meaning. The second one, I was in this whole phase of life. Hahaha. I mean, it represents just one aspect of my personality. The problem with is, people think that it's like my mantra. Which it isn't. It's just a reminder of what to remember. A memory trigger.
And so with these tattoos, I'm satisfied. I'm happy. And with the thrill of one, I wanted another. And now I just want another one. And another. It's a disease. But the setback? The price. Tattoos and piercings are a very big, "you get what you pay for" ordeal. In this world, if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is.
So I guess what I'm getting to here is:
If all else fails, ask a person who has ink that you adore where they went and who their artist is. (In fact, I want my next tattoo done by my sisters artist. He does AMAZING work.) The artist I actually go to is expensive and while I love his work and all, triple money signs isn't something I can afford on a student budget. Some things you have to be realistic with.
Okay so that's three words but I'm primarily focused on the bolded. They're like pringles, once ya pop, ye just can't stop.
I love piercings.
and
I love tattoos.
I don't know what it is about ink. I just enjoy how each design can be your own. And the pain? It's only temporary. And in two weeks, it's art. And piercings? Piercings, when done right, can be absolutely beautiful.
And by being done right, I mean with a needle.
Under no circumstances should you get a piercing or tattoo because it's cheap. A tip? RESEARCH.
Research where.
Research cleanliness.
Research past work.
Research price.
Research artist.
Research pain.
Research healing time.
And make sure it's something that you want. Something that you really want. Especially with tattoos. Unless you roll in a bed of bills every night like I do --- in my dreams, then tattoos are something permanent that you can't just erase the next day when you get sick of it.
And I 'm a girl of change. I compulsively change my passwords. My email. My hair. And most annoyingly, my mind. But the tattoos that I do have, I carefully and meticulously planned w/meaning. Well, the first one with the most meaning. The second one, I was in this whole phase of life. Hahaha. I mean, it represents just one aspect of my personality. The problem with is, people think that it's like my mantra. Which it isn't. It's just a reminder of what to remember. A memory trigger.
And so with these tattoos, I'm satisfied. I'm happy. And with the thrill of one, I wanted another. And now I just want another one. And another. It's a disease. But the setback? The price. Tattoos and piercings are a very big, "you get what you pay for" ordeal. In this world, if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is.
So I guess what I'm getting to here is:
- Make sure it's what you really want.
- Don't just get one because it's the cool thing to do.
- Research the hell out of the place and person you're going to.
If all else fails, ask a person who has ink that you adore where they went and who their artist is. (In fact, I want my next tattoo done by my sisters artist. He does AMAZING work.) The artist I actually go to is expensive and while I love his work and all, triple money signs isn't something I can afford on a student budget. Some things you have to be realistic with.
- Again, research what you want.
- Now wait a year. (If you want it after a year, okay!)
- Research everything you can possibly think of.
- Have your money, and don't be a stiff, tip!
- Be prepared for the pain. Don't take advil or tylenol or drink - that thins up your blood and makes clotting difficult. They WILL NOT tattoo or pierce you in that state anyways. And if they do, HUGE sign you should be going there.
- Grab their card and contact number in case you have follow up questions.
- Ask questions, you'll get answers.
- And last but not least, talk to them. They're human. They have feelings. They have cool stories.
I'm a huge supporter of tattoos and piercings! And yes, I do worry how they might look later in life - which is why I have mine in more inconspicuous places. But it's really up to you as an individual to make the decision. If you want to cover yourself in tattoos and piercings, go for it by all means. However, be forewarned, employees still judge about this because of the clean appearance thing.
In my opinion, you cannot justify a person's work ethic by their looks. Sadly, that's the case in many companies these days. (Even with that, I still love piercings and tattoos.)
One Direction - US Leg Tour
Yesterday I had the privilege of attending the closing concert of the US Leg of One Direction's Take Me Home Tour.
My cousin has been dreaming of seeing these 5 good-looking boys since I unintentionally gave her that "One Direction Infection" last summer. Being blessed with the chance to have already seen the boys perform live 2-3 times in the past and meet a few of them in person, I wanted to be able to make her dream come true.
Being the major procrastinator that I am... I never do things on time. And if I do, well shit! That's a huge plus. Obtaining tickets for concerts through Ticketmaster and what not is virtually impossible to me. Therefore, I try going to the venue the day they are sold out or periodically check the value of tickets throughout the course until the concert. Then one day, if I see something close to face value - I drop. I drop and I grab and I punch til I get. Just not into the itty bitty titties like some of the children I've seen do at these things.
Was a long, long day - & in the end she was graced with the presence of One Direction. The screams reached decibels that probably destroyed my ear drums so she took the one pair of ear plugs I had after one song. The boys gave an incredible performance with a cake fight, water fight, biscuits & cereal & fire extinguishers. It was mental! Absolutely mental. Harry threw out his Kings Jersey to the audience. Zayn hit the high notes. Louis was cracking jokes and calling Niall, 'Neil.' They were all pouring water on each other. They were all throwing food at each. Including the band. You can clearly observe just how much Niall loves guitars. Zayn just kept looking calm, cool and collected. Louis and Niall looked like they were always planning some thing. Harry looked extremely focused. Liam was just all smiles. And the fact that these boys just wanted to put on an amazing show for their last concert of the US leg. Well shit, they succeeded. At one point, Liam came running down the ramp & well you can see here: Liam and Louis - WMYB. And yet it was still a concert to remember with the dance off and the group hug at the end. And their exit. Niall wouldn't leave the stage so Harry had to come up and pull him down. Liam also got stuck in the box for a minute too.
Such a great performance.
Such a blessing.
and such an enjoyment to see a 10 year old go to her first concert ever and have it be the ONE band she's ultimately loved for the past year and a half.
My cousin has been dreaming of seeing these 5 good-looking boys since I unintentionally gave her that "One Direction Infection" last summer. Being blessed with the chance to have already seen the boys perform live 2-3 times in the past and meet a few of them in person, I wanted to be able to make her dream come true.
Being the major procrastinator that I am... I never do things on time. And if I do, well shit! That's a huge plus. Obtaining tickets for concerts through Ticketmaster and what not is virtually impossible to me. Therefore, I try going to the venue the day they are sold out or periodically check the value of tickets throughout the course until the concert. Then one day, if I see something close to face value - I drop. I drop and I grab and I punch til I get. Just not into the itty bitty titties like some of the children I've seen do at these things.
Was a long, long day - & in the end she was graced with the presence of One Direction. The screams reached decibels that probably destroyed my ear drums so she took the one pair of ear plugs I had after one song. The boys gave an incredible performance with a cake fight, water fight, biscuits & cereal & fire extinguishers. It was mental! Absolutely mental. Harry threw out his Kings Jersey to the audience. Zayn hit the high notes. Louis was cracking jokes and calling Niall, 'Neil.' They were all pouring water on each other. They were all throwing food at each. Including the band. You can clearly observe just how much Niall loves guitars. Zayn just kept looking calm, cool and collected. Louis and Niall looked like they were always planning some thing. Harry looked extremely focused. Liam was just all smiles. And the fact that these boys just wanted to put on an amazing show for their last concert of the US leg. Well shit, they succeeded. At one point, Liam came running down the ramp & well you can see here: Liam and Louis - WMYB. And yet it was still a concert to remember with the dance off and the group hug at the end. And their exit. Niall wouldn't leave the stage so Harry had to come up and pull him down. Liam also got stuck in the box for a minute too.
Such a great performance.
Such a blessing.
and such an enjoyment to see a 10 year old go to her first concert ever and have it be the ONE band she's ultimately loved for the past year and a half.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Vidcon 2013
Hello! So VidCon 2013 was this past weekend on August 1st - August 3rd. I honestly didn't get a lot of pictures because I was busy walking around. However, I did manage to meet loads of cool, talented people so I would say my time at VidCon was well spent!A friend of mine, Taylor, was passing out #TeamDeodorant travel size deodorants to enforce the idea of deodorant. Quite truthfully, I support this movement as well... it's not bad to want to not smell!
So on Friday, we arrived at the hotel and registered for VidCon. We were going to be in earlier buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut some mishap happened and I ended up waiting in my car for half an hour wanting to sleep as I only had gotten 2 - 3 hours of sleep the night before. (I know, I'm horrible.) The hotel lobby was already filled with LOADS, and I mean LOADS, of fangirls. And it was absolutely insane. Took us about an hour to register only because I didn't drive out the night before since my hotel reservation wasn't until Friday. Throughout the day, I met random people. I officially met Taylor for the first time and her friends, Darla and Kaleb. Nice people, nice people.I also recognized a few faces of people on Twitter - but hey, I'm painstakingly shy and didn't go up to them. I did end up meeting Tay Zonday - & let me tell you, his voice really is that amazing in person.
I also met a loads of people in the elevator. I can try to name of all them but I don't know how that'd go to be honest. But hey, let's try anyways: #elevatorcon2013.
- Luke Conard, Dave Aday, Adam Stanton, Joe Sugg, Louis (Fun for Louis), Darcy, Maz, random fangirls. And that's all I can think of off the top of my head. (Forgive me, it's almost half past 2 in the morning! That night I also ended up meeting a few of my neighbors & their guests: Jake Coco, Corey Gray, Tyler Ward, Frank Sacramone, and Patrick.
I'm starting to see this trend of guys....
Anyways!
Jake and Corey were headed to the Marriott but decided to have a little concert in the hallway. Oops! It was all in good fun in our defense!
And oh look, there's Adam who just came down the hall from who knows where.
On Day 2 of Vidcon, we pretty much did the same thing again - walked around and talked to people. We had a little dance session with the ladies at the Kia booth so they invited us to this more intimate interview session with Laina - Overly Attached Girlfriend and Tyler Ward. To be honest, those fan girls were brutal... and someone punched me in the boob. But the two together where hilarious and I think it's the only thing I sat through while at VidCon... except a meal... cause food is food.We would randomly walk into other YouTubers and people around VidCon which was quite tiring yet still exciting.
And we danced.
And danced.
And danced.
And I tweeted.
And we all danced.
Did I mention we danced?!
Back at the hotel lobby with the hundreds of screaming fangirls running around, we ran into Frank Sacramone - who had to suffer because of me (and I really do apologize for forcing you to do that...) Hahaha. But here he is being "fangirled." ;)
The night ended with a bang when we were given the chance to hang out and mingle with KevLABeast, Furious Pete, Nick Pitera, Andrew Garcia, Tyler Ward, and Boyce Avenue. Also had the chance to meet Graham from YT and Eric from Collective. And last but not least, Grace and Tanner... who I pinky promised but he disappeared so he's kind of irrelevant now.
Sunday was Disney day which only ended with us at Downtown Disney. I ended up meeting these Australian guys in the check out line... I only got one name, his name was Troye (which later I found out was Troye Sivan - also the reason why I know how to spell it now).
And that was a gist of Vidcon. Oh so much happened and I tried my best to condense it... sort of failed but so much can happen in two days! All the people I met were talented and nice - except for some of the fangirls who were creepy.... and punched me in the boob.... and also tried kicking me off the guest deck when I got lost in that labyrinth hotel....
Until next year at VidCon!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Blast from the Past.
12/19/2003
December 19, 2003
19 December 2003
The first time I ever wrote a blog post for the entire world to me. Honestly, I sat here for about 15 minutes trying to remember my stupid xanga names until BULLSEYE. I hit one. And let me tell you, I wanted to cry. Well, I did. Just a little bit.
Reading yourself type lyke d1s cuz y0u think it'z so kewl. No. It's not. It's embarrassing. And you laugh so hard, you cry. However, I have to admit reading that sort of thing is a major throwback. And I mean MAJOR.
Be back later while I tear my eyes out til they bleed because they hurt so bad from attempting to read my filth from 7 years ago.
K
December 19, 2003
19 December 2003
The first time I ever wrote a blog post for the entire world to me. Honestly, I sat here for about 15 minutes trying to remember my stupid xanga names until BULLSEYE. I hit one. And let me tell you, I wanted to cry. Well, I did. Just a little bit.
Reading yourself type lyke d1s cuz y0u think it'z so kewl. No. It's not. It's embarrassing. And you laugh so hard, you cry. However, I have to admit reading that sort of thing is a major throwback. And I mean MAJOR.
Be back later while I tear my eyes out til they bleed because they hurt so bad from attempting to read my filth from 7 years ago.
K
Renewal.
Hi everyone.
It's been awhile since I've revived a blog from who knows where in who knows how long. I started my first blog when I was about 12 or 13 years old - that's 10 - 11 years ago. Wow. (Have I aged that much already?!)
Anyways that was man, many, many years ago and over the years I just gradually stopped posting. I don't remember my old blogs. I don't remember their names. I know I wrote about my life. Every day. Until I started, I think, my senior year of high school. Of course, I had the occasional post until I started university. Annnnnd that was about it. It died... along with the past of many nights ago of an Asian-American teenager dealing with, well, life.
So now here I am, 10 years after I first decided to share my words with the world. And while no one cared so much to read about it then, I decided to try it at least one more time. And I stopped. And I started. And I stopped. Well, you get the point. So now I'm restarting this renewal of old thoughts shared once again, but no longer reviving the blog of many moons ago.
With that in mind, I think this is something I want to commit to. You know, actually commit. Not the half-ass start & forget sort of thing that I am so notoriously known for in my family for doing. (Because face it- Aries like me like to start projects but never finish them.) I'm going to promise, you - whoever's reading this, and myself to write about school, life, fashion, make up, trends - whatever. And I will continue writing to you until I finish university. That's 5 classes. 2 quarters. 6 months. Generally, I could finish in one quarter but you see, the public school system loves making classes only available at certain times of the year. And now I'm stuck. But that's okay... I like to share with people anyways.
Toast to a new blog.
Toast to a new goal.
and
Toast to you.
K
It's been awhile since I've revived a blog from who knows where in who knows how long. I started my first blog when I was about 12 or 13 years old - that's 10 - 11 years ago. Wow. (Have I aged that much already?!)
Anyways that was man, many, many years ago and over the years I just gradually stopped posting. I don't remember my old blogs. I don't remember their names. I know I wrote about my life. Every day. Until I started, I think, my senior year of high school. Of course, I had the occasional post until I started university. Annnnnd that was about it. It died... along with the past of many nights ago of an Asian-American teenager dealing with, well, life.
So now here I am, 10 years after I first decided to share my words with the world. And while no one cared so much to read about it then, I decided to try it at least one more time. And I stopped. And I started. And I stopped. Well, you get the point. So now I'm restarting this renewal of old thoughts shared once again, but no longer reviving the blog of many moons ago.
With that in mind, I think this is something I want to commit to. You know, actually commit. Not the half-ass start & forget sort of thing that I am so notoriously known for in my family for doing. (Because face it- Aries like me like to start projects but never finish them.) I'm going to promise, you - whoever's reading this, and myself to write about school, life, fashion, make up, trends - whatever. And I will continue writing to you until I finish university. That's 5 classes. 2 quarters. 6 months. Generally, I could finish in one quarter but you see, the public school system loves making classes only available at certain times of the year. And now I'm stuck. But that's okay... I like to share with people anyways.
Toast to a new blog.
Toast to a new goal.
and
Toast to you.
K
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